Something lovely is taking place inside of me, there is a warmth, a steadiness, a sense of returning Home after a long, long journey through the desert.
‘Desert periods’ are the descriptive word that metaphysics use to describe periods of time during one’s spiritual walk, sometimes long, sometimes short, where despite continued practice, devotion and attendance to the principles one work’s with, there is just a sense of barrenness, a lack of felt presence of the One, wavered faith, signs not seeming to appear. It is promised, that if the walker will continue their walk, continue their prayers, meditations, devotions, that this period will end, and with the end of the desert period a renewed, strengthened experience of Source will descend upon them.
I have had more dramatic desert periods than this one that is coming to an end, ones that felt torturous and scary, had I lost my connection forever I would cry out. To be honest, I don’t know if the desert periods were dramatic or if it was just my younger, dramatic Scorpio self, I suspect it was the later. I can’t imagine what going through a desert period like this one would have been like for me if it had happened 13 years ago, I’m going to credit linear earth-bound time put into the path in this lifetime for the acceptance I’ve found during this desert walk, though I didn’t know if this one was going to end and I feared that I had cut myself off, that the level of groundedness motherhood required had cut me off permanently, or at least until my crone years.
It seems so magically fitting that during the dawn of a Mother Moon, my birthday moon to be exact this desert period finally comes to an end.
I was born at the tail end of a Taurus Mother Moon, my astrological make up is full of contradictions, my sun sign and moon sign oppose each other, my rising sign is in Libra, so each of my houses are in the opposite sign of their house.
I imagine that I am meant to be the centre piece, the middle meeting ground of all opposing energies. As a Priestess I merge the opposing energies of the heavenly realms and the earthly ones, as a student of mysticism I honour the One presence in all things, as a Resonant Skywalker I jump dimensions, I have only one physical eye which points me in the direction of single sightedness, all of these bits and pieces add up to a life served finding and connecting to the One Source, so when a desert period hits and I am pulled in two, threes, fours and full of 3rd dimensional polarities I just don’t feel myself, to say the least. So to come back together into Oneness feels divine right now.
Now, here we are at the beginning of the Mother Moon which opposes the Sun in Scorpio, this is a balancing of what is dead and what is alive, like all Mother’s the Mother Moon is full of energy, emotion and needs to balance her external and internal energies. Tonight (early morning) as the moon looms full we are all called upon to balance the parts within ourselves that are full of life, sweetness, abundance, with what is coming forth externally as decayed and ready to die away to be released. We are in the season of death, everything around us is dying away and rotting, Scorpio intensely calls on all of us to own up to what is rotten in our lives, while we do this deep shamanic grave digging through the dark recesses of our lives, the opposing, completing energy of the Taurus archetype shines a warm light on all of the reasons that we are going digging in the shit right now, the more we clear away, kill off, acknowledge and release the more room we have for the comfort, ease and lushness of our true soul’s essence.
Kali is here to make way for Gaia to flourish and blossom, we are both Kali and Gaia during this time of year. Because I live such an astrologically contradictory existence, this time of year which is tough for most is when I am most at ease. I have no problem digging through the shit, in fact I like having something to dig up, expose and release. I love finding what’s rotting and discarding it, and this Taurus Mother Moon is such a welcome visitor, because she’s alighting my inner world and showing me just how lovely all of the time and energy put into conscious alignment has been for my soul, it’s as if a warm oil lamp infused with musky patchouli has been lit and I can see soft plush orange couches and coral painted walls, I hear harp music playing while veils of silk hang down invitingly over a feathered bed, this is the room of my wombspace, the area where I receive into me all of the energy that I take in. The palace in my pineal gland, my third eye home is crystalline, lit up with starlight and midnight skies sparkle with the luminosity of the stars, each one a truth that I have applied in my life, my inner rooms are clean! And now they are being filled with the abundance of Gaia, Kali is swirling through the rooms of my chakras ensuring that nothing sticks around to rot, she is a whirling dervish of ferocity, refusing to allow me to hang onto anything that doesn’t serve me, and she is so precise and present with me because I have allowed her to reign supreme in my life, as she blows through with her quick sword to cut away all of the rubbish, Gaia blooms within my heart, my womb, my third eye, Gaia and Kali, what a delicate and delicious balance these two expressions of the One Source are.
And that’s where I find myself on tonight’s moon, surrendered and blooming, dying and birthing, releasing and receiving, acting and resting, it is a divine dance and it is truly an intoxicating moon for me.
Can you feel Kali blowing into your life tonight? Do you feel Gaia blessing you with her abundant lushness? Kali and Gaia are two archetypal expressions of the Divine One, they are hear with us in intense expression for a brief moment as the moon rises, the more we allow these Goddess expressions into our world, the cleaner and safer the matrix becomes for all who reside within it for now as we collectively rise up in consciousness towards a new world order.
Until our next Mother Moon,
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
The moon is full, ripe and witchy as hell tonight. This is a mother moon, all full moon’s are mother moon’s and this month the mother moon is ruled by the deep, esoteric, taboo busting, secretive, dark seeking Scorpio.
A Scorpio mother is a fiercely loyal and devoted mother, she dives deeply into the souls of her children and focuses on transforming all that is not in alignment with their highest good and producing whole, magical, powerful beings to go out into the world. That is what tonight’s moon promises to do for us tonight, to transform our hearts and our feminine selves into radiant powerful beings at their best.
This deeply, heavy mother moon comes busting into the sky right after the sun cycles under the pleasure seeking, romantic, serene, earthy sign of Taurus. Just when we get ready to relax, to take it slow and to enjoy the comforts of this realm for a while now that spring is fully sprung, her opposite sign comes into the night sky and illuminates our emotional bodies, calling us to transform, to dive deep and to face any shadowy aspects within ourselves that need to be transmuted into light and wholeness.
Astrologer Coach Sonja Francis hit the nail on the head for me this month with her full moon youtube post, I was all the happier to find out that I could email her to receive a copy of all of her full moon questions, questions that will be relevant for the next two weeks, you can listen to her video here: https://youtu.be/L5O4PHPcZzU
The part that resonated with most with me in Sonja’s video was when she discussed how the opposing signs of Scorpio and Taurus complete each other. My sun sign is in Scorpio and my Moon is in Taurus, so I walk with the lesson of balancing these opposing signs, I experience them opposite of how they are appearing today, so that’s a lot of balance for me.
The big lesson I’m taking with this opposition, is transforming attachment to security and uncovering one’s passion. This rang so true for me. For years I was all passion, if I wasn’t passionate about it I didn’t do it. I fell in love passionately, I made art passionately, I read passionately. I had very little attachment to security because I was all longing.
When I began walking the path of grace, I was astonished and overwhelmed by how blessed I became, grace brought my desires to fruition, I found passionate love, passionate space to express my art and my service as a Priestess. I became a mother, mothering became a new passion of mine, a whole new level of fulfillment and devotion sprung up within me. All that I was passionate became fulfilled and all that I had been passionate about had to do with my true heart’s desire, my heart is ruled by Taurus. Each time my heart was fulfilled the Taurus energy of my heart was lit and life became romantic, sensual, comforting and pretty, as the energy of my heart increased some of that Taurus energy began to go to the extreme until the subject of security began to blaze within my heart so brightly that I became overly attached to earthly security and comfort.
I didn’t want to loose my clients, my husband, my daughter, I wanted us to be comfortable, to not struggle to have a steady flow of ever increasing abundance coming in. Suddenly I was earth bound, focused on the comforts that this realm could offer us as a family, if only we could get our piece of the pie and get a big enough slice. The days of living by grace, of surrender, of flowing and diving deep to transform the fears that tempted me to act out were long behind me as I began to act on fears and grasp for life to stop spinning and to just stay still, to blanket my family in comfort, certainty, abundance and simplicity.
Some of these desires were passions and they were good, we took steps to simplify our life, to slow down and to spend more time together as a family. As grace unfolded opportunities for this, I watched amazed as we were provided for every step of the way. But, but, but….that nagging Taurus moon of mine, I wanted more, more assurance that the grace wasn’t going to run out, more numbers in the bank account, more working hours for my husband, and this insatiable appetite was born. When I slowed down to ask myself what it was all for, what the purpose of the striving and the control was for the answer was chillingly insane. I wanted more security, money and work so that I could have more peace, simplicity and time with family, things that I already had, it was as if I thought I had to maintain the grace, I had to ensure it didn’t run out, rather than enjoying the life that I was being afforded I was doing everything to create the opposite of what I had, which was what I wanted, so that I wouldn’t loose what I had, but it was my fear based acting that was erasing what I had!
All of this came to a head as the moon became full in the sky. I was relieved to learn that we had a Scorpio Mother Moon with us tonight, it gave me hope that the intensity of this loop I’ve been caught in was the moon calling upon my Scorpio soul to do some transformative work.
This month on the blog in the Journey with the Crystals section, the crystal we are working with is Dioptase, a crystal of the heart. I’ve been contemplating living from my heart, my Taurus heart, and how this would look. Ever since our move a year ago we have been getting rooted, settled and I have not been myself fully, I have been so much in the Taurus shadow. But what would it look like to live from a full and sweet elevated Taurus heart?
My husband just began his season back at work and that very same week was called away to attend to a family emergency 12 hours away. This was an opportunity to act from the heart and not from fear, to support him to go and to be with his family and to turn over the finances to grace. I would say I got a C+ on how we walked through this together. A few days earlier my spiritual advisor had advised me to get clear about my fears around security and finances and to make sure that I find a way to ensure that they not be attached to my husband’s earnings, “because he’s not going to be fully back into steady work until you’ve worked through this.” “Sure, sure,” I thought as he got the call to go back to work two days after that talk, and then three days later called away to attend family business. Seems she was right, there will be no steady stream until I get rid of the notion that my supply comes from him, rather than from grace.
So here I sit, contemplating grace, contemplating what lies beyond the human realm of finances, remembering what it was like to allow grace to unfold my journey and how she fulfilled all of my needs and never debted me or made my life drabby or unpleasant. I’m at the precipice , prepared to jump back into the capable hands of grace, except this time when I jump, it’s with a toddler in my arms and a babe in my womb, I’m jumping into grace with my children and I’m taking a leap into faith that grace will provide for me as a mother, that grace will mother through me and that grace will provide for my family.
I am spent. I am exhausted from trying to “arrange life to suit my needs,” as the text in the Big Book writes, I am done looking to my husband to be a God and ready to walk as conscious equal partners with him out into the mystery. I am ready to live from my soul’s Scorpio purpose and to be balanced by the romantic, sweet, pleasurable nature of my heart.
I give up, you take it Mother. I am yours. I am ready to walk as You dictate I walk, I am ready to surrender, I am ready to be mothered and to have You mother through me. Thank You for Your blessings, and thank You for maintaining them without my help. I am Your child, I remember now, I don’t need to do it all. Thank You for this journey.
What would it look like if we all returned to the Mother tonight, if we all trusted that She knew best and if we just surrendered to Her and allowed Her to work Her magic though us? Because She will if we invite Her, She will if we will allow Her. Let’s journey together tonight and walk under the light of Her moon and give our lives back to Her, shall we?
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: https://ralphiesportal.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/full-moon-witches.jpg
The Crone Moon is back, wise, dark and mysterious in the sky. On the previous Crone Moon I was living in the West, free, busy, surrounded by like spirited souls. Life was full, it was noisy and it was fast paced living in the colourful big city I had moved to years ago.
This Crone Moon I am sitting in quiet, free but oh so much more connected to receiving help, which to my ego can feel like being dependent, as I live temporarily with my husband and daughter in my childhood home. I am surrounded by stillness, slowness and not so many like spirited souls as of yet.
The Crone Moon is the New Moon, the phase of the moon that pulls on the tides in women’s bodies, the phase which traditionally all women bled on together.
My body is not synced with the moon right now, a lot of women’s aren’t, however, I have found that as I cycle through my body’s phases, I also cycle through the moon’s phases and so while my body is not bleeding my energy is.
Energetically women are being cleansed, drained and pulled upon on the new moon. Long ago I would have bled into the earth with the other women in my tribe and the grandmothers, the crones, would have shared their wisdom and offered lessons and guidance to me as I emptied myself of the past month’s accumulated energies, which play out as thoughts, emotions and physical ailments, the wise crones would fill my vessel with new life and old traditions. This is the phase of the moon when our Goddess Gatherings would gather in Vancouver, when we would gather together at this time we would simulate the red tents that our ancestors once gathered in.
When our Goddess Gatherings would come together we filled each other up. Each month one of us Goddesses would take a turn sharing her personal wisdom, gift or passion with the group, we would eat vegan food, come together in meditation and then receive from our sister that was guiding us for the month. These gatherings shaped my journey and nourished me for years. The last few years that we all gathered I helped the founder, Bliss Prema, organize and gather the women, after Bliss moved to the island it was all in my hands. A great sacred honour that became a bit heavy after I became pregnant. From my pregnancy onwards the Goddess Gatherings in Vancouver had fallen away. I began to honour the Crone Moon on my own and created a happy private sacred space for myself every month when my Beloved and my Maiden would go out of the house leaving me to practice my Priestess craft.
Life was getting cramped, loud and overstimulated for me in the big city, small apartment and growing daughter days and evenings. The private Crone ceremonies were what I needed, but I needed more, even though I couldn’t see it at the time.
I’ve been in this small, rural, quiet green town for a few weeks now. I feel my spirit expanding, I spend my days outdoors, surrounded by Mother Gaia and I am called once again to gather women together. I feel now that I have needed to be in circle for a long time, I just couldn’t hear this message with all of the congestion I was living in. Once I began to receive the calling to gather women together, here where I have moved, I prayed and began to open the way for Spirit to move. I have not yet attracted my circle and the message I received was a very “if you build it they will come,” instruction, and so I planned to travel to the lake, to hold my sacred, private ceremony and to create the space and the intention for a new Goddess Gathering on the East Coast to begin. As I opened up to Goddess and the land an energetic pull would go out magnetizing whomever would benefit from a Goddess Gathering to me in the upcoming months. I shared my plans with my Taurean mother who responded that she would like to join me, and so the plan became that I, the Scorpio sun daughter would lead my opposite signed Taurus sunned mother though a new moon ceremony under the Taurus Crone Moon.
I almost backed out today, holding ceremony is such a sacred and vulnerable act, when I was in Priestess training I avoided leading ceremony with the Priestess I was studying under every time that we would meet. Finally one day she said “I don’t understand it, I keep intending to have you lead us through a ceremony and then our time finishes and we haven’t done it.” I admitted to her that I was in huge resistance and we both marvelled at the power that my resistance held. Eventually I walked through the resistance and found that I absolutely adore holding ceremony, yet a ceremony for two felt intimate and with that woman being my mother I was afraid of being even more exposed. My secretive Scorpio soul prefers to be anonymous and unseen. But I breathed, went within and saw the larger picture, the beauty and the significance in coming together with my blood lineage and practicing such a magical and ancient rite together. I saw our grandmothers standing behind us as we came together in ceremony, I saw our wombs beating the same beat and I saw the first of many women to come and to join me in circle on this patch of land that I am now calling home.
So it was that we packed up the car, my husband, mother, father, daughter and I and went to have a picnic on the beach, after we had feasted Mom and I ventured off to find our space of land to create our ceremonial gathering. I had been contemplating how this Goddess Gathering for two would go, the format loses some of it’s significance without a group, yet in other areas there would be more time and space to really share deeply from the heart…the intimacy piece, I let go of the how and trusted that Goddess would lead us.
We found a sandy space at the foot of a willowy dune, to the south was Lake Erie, big, bold and beautiful, as I lay down our blanket, crystals, candles, cards and sage the waves of Lady Lake crashed rhythmically. I haven’t had time to miss the Ocean yet I’ve been rekindling my love of the Great Lakes and her mighty waves and intoxicated by her fresh water scent.
This first Goddess Gathering unfolded part gathering/part ritual. After saging the circle and ourselves we shared about what Goddess meant to us, right away a new side to my mother was revealed, I had no idea what the term Goddess meant to her. I then led us through a guided meditation to clear and open the chakras, after the meditation we spoke out what we were releasing, what we were ready to let go of to the Crone moon, we then saged some more and followed the saging by drawing cards that revealed to us what seeds were being planted in the space that we had just created. We pulled cards for Self, Romantic relationship, Family and our Calling. As we journeyed deeper and deeper into our ritual my Mother and I began to share in the magic and power of ceremony, we shared with one another in a way that we never would have had the space not been created. My first Goddess Gathering after my big move was a wild success and has connected me to my bloodline, to the women that have walked before me, I felt this strongly as Mom and I held hands and stood barefoot atop the sand sending up a prayer of thanks to Grace and to the women whose wombs had birthed us forward.
The Taurus Crone Moon was a beginning moon for me, not only did I release but I cleared away a foundation upon which this new phase of my journey will be built. The Taurus archetype is all about the earth, comfort, sensuality, safety and security. Coming home I have begun to root, to feel the stability of family and community enveloping me, no longer do I feel like a flitting light in a large metropolis, rather am I a rainbow beam shining amongst the reeds in a warm pond. My mother is the Taurus Goddess archetype for me, I was raised by a Taurus Mother and she has instilled in me the value of enjoying life, staying connected to my roots and creating a stable home to always return to. Tonight I returned home to this land, up until tonight I had felt as if I was on a visit from the West, about to go back any moment, I knew in my head that I wasn’t going back, but it didn’t feel real. I was cleared by the Crone Moon tonight and I grounded into my new home, tonight my new home became real.
For tonight, wherever you are, whatever your journey, the Taurus Crone Moon supports you in releasing all that impedes your comfort and ease in life. A wise and grandmotherly presence looks over you and whispers that life’s too short to spend it wound up, pushing forward, grasping for achievements that are always just around the corner. The Taurus Crone Moon urges you to just let all of your worldly concerns go, to fall into the romantic May evening and to just be in the beauty and the romance of life. Tonight you can let go and you can begin a new journey, a journey that creates an inner home, a sanctuary of pleasure and romance and warmth and security. At her deepest level the Taurus Crone teaches you to seek deep within for the Home that resides inside of you, the opulent palace of love, joy, peace and grace that is always overflowing with abundant riches and sweets. Tonight, let go of every thought and action that keeps you from entering your inner opulent palace and lay down upon the soft bed that Grace has laid out for you and be in bliss.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly