Something lovely is taking place inside of me, there is a warmth, a steadiness, a sense of returning Home after a long, long journey through the desert.
‘Desert periods’ are the descriptive word that metaphysics use to describe periods of time during one’s spiritual walk, sometimes long, sometimes short, where despite continued practice, devotion and attendance to the principles one work’s with, there is just a sense of barrenness, a lack of felt presence of the One, wavered faith, signs not seeming to appear. It is promised, that if the walker will continue their walk, continue their prayers, meditations, devotions, that this period will end, and with the end of the desert period a renewed, strengthened experience of Source will descend upon them.
I have had more dramatic desert periods than this one that is coming to an end, ones that felt torturous and scary, had I lost my connection forever I would cry out. To be honest, I don’t know if the desert periods were dramatic or if it was just my younger, dramatic Scorpio self, I suspect it was the later. I can’t imagine what going through a desert period like this one would have been like for me if it had happened 13 years ago, I’m going to credit linear earth-bound time put into the path in this lifetime for the acceptance I’ve found during this desert walk, though I didn’t know if this one was going to end and I feared that I had cut myself off, that the level of groundedness motherhood required had cut me off permanently, or at least until my crone years.
It seems so magically fitting that during the dawn of a Mother Moon, my birthday moon to be exact this desert period finally comes to an end.
I was born at the tail end of a Taurus Mother Moon, my astrological make up is full of contradictions, my sun sign and moon sign oppose each other, my rising sign is in Libra, so each of my houses are in the opposite sign of their house.
I imagine that I am meant to be the centre piece, the middle meeting ground of all opposing energies. As a Priestess I merge the opposing energies of the heavenly realms and the earthly ones, as a student of mysticism I honour the One presence in all things, as a Resonant Skywalker I jump dimensions, I have only one physical eye which points me in the direction of single sightedness, all of these bits and pieces add up to a life served finding and connecting to the One Source, so when a desert period hits and I am pulled in two, threes, fours and full of 3rd dimensional polarities I just don’t feel myself, to say the least. So to come back together into Oneness feels divine right now.
Now, here we are at the beginning of the Mother Moon which opposes the Sun in Scorpio, this is a balancing of what is dead and what is alive, like all Mother’s the Mother Moon is full of energy, emotion and needs to balance her external and internal energies. Tonight (early morning) as the moon looms full we are all called upon to balance the parts within ourselves that are full of life, sweetness, abundance, with what is coming forth externally as decayed and ready to die away to be released. We are in the season of death, everything around us is dying away and rotting, Scorpio intensely calls on all of us to own up to what is rotten in our lives, while we do this deep shamanic grave digging through the dark recesses of our lives, the opposing, completing energy of the Taurus archetype shines a warm light on all of the reasons that we are going digging in the shit right now, the more we clear away, kill off, acknowledge and release the more room we have for the comfort, ease and lushness of our true soul’s essence.
Kali is here to make way for Gaia to flourish and blossom, we are both Kali and Gaia during this time of year. Because I live such an astrologically contradictory existence, this time of year which is tough for most is when I am most at ease. I have no problem digging through the shit, in fact I like having something to dig up, expose and release. I love finding what’s rotting and discarding it, and this Taurus Mother Moon is such a welcome visitor, because she’s alighting my inner world and showing me just how lovely all of the time and energy put into conscious alignment has been for my soul, it’s as if a warm oil lamp infused with musky patchouli has been lit and I can see soft plush orange couches and coral painted walls, I hear harp music playing while veils of silk hang down invitingly over a feathered bed, this is the room of my wombspace, the area where I receive into me all of the energy that I take in. The palace in my pineal gland, my third eye home is crystalline, lit up with starlight and midnight skies sparkle with the luminosity of the stars, each one a truth that I have applied in my life, my inner rooms are clean! And now they are being filled with the abundance of Gaia, Kali is swirling through the rooms of my chakras ensuring that nothing sticks around to rot, she is a whirling dervish of ferocity, refusing to allow me to hang onto anything that doesn’t serve me, and she is so precise and present with me because I have allowed her to reign supreme in my life, as she blows through with her quick sword to cut away all of the rubbish, Gaia blooms within my heart, my womb, my third eye, Gaia and Kali, what a delicate and delicious balance these two expressions of the One Source are.
And that’s where I find myself on tonight’s moon, surrendered and blooming, dying and birthing, releasing and receiving, acting and resting, it is a divine dance and it is truly an intoxicating moon for me.
Can you feel Kali blowing into your life tonight? Do you feel Gaia blessing you with her abundant lushness? Kali and Gaia are two archetypal expressions of the Divine One, they are hear with us in intense expression for a brief moment as the moon rises, the more we allow these Goddess expressions into our world, the cleaner and safer the matrix becomes for all who reside within it for now as we collectively rise up in consciousness towards a new world order.
Until our next Mother Moon,
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
The moon is full tonight, in Feminine Mysticism the full moon is known as the Mother Moon. This knowledge, that the full moon is the Mother, has been with me for some time now. I understand that the emotional energy is at it’s highest during this phase of the moon, that the astrological sign it falls under influences how we feel her energy, and that the Mother phase is full, in need of balance and very busy.
This knowledge seems to have dropped from my head and down into my heart in the last 24 hours. As my husband and I balanced getting our 3.5 year old to a fair, dressed to be a flower girl, to the wedding, pick up clothing orders, plan for meals, get work done, maintain the house and follow sleep cues for our four month old daughter, that corny saying that I’ve read in the mother boards began to echo in my head “the days are long but the years are short,” in the midst of the chaos, it dawned on me that life will not always be like this. One day our children will be grown up and life will not be this demanding and full, we might choose to keep it full or make unconscious choices that make it feel demanding, but it won’t be guaranteed, non stop full on like it is now. That’s where my new appreciation for the Mother Moon energies came from.
I got it, that fullness, that looniness, that need for balance when things are at their peak that the Mother phase of the Moon holds is what I am living right now. As I connected the energies of the Mother Moon and the Mother phase of life together I began to feel the Mother Moon looming in the skies as the moon turned full over the past 24 hours.
The Mother Moon is a Capricorn one this month, she is balancing out the energies of career/calling with home and family, just today I was explaining to my husband that right now and for the next while I am predominantly ‘mom’ and most of my other identities feel lost. Thankfully I know, having already raised a daughter for 3.5 years, that this will ease up as our baby continues to grow. With Gracious, my eldest, by 20 months I was feeling like myself, like a woman who had the role of Mother to play as one of many roles in life, rather than my life having been usurped by becoming a mom and having that role as my sole identity, as I once feared it would be when I first became a mother.
The moon rules our emotions, Capricorn is studious and down to earth, she is also the Matriarch of the zodiac, with Capricorn ruling this Mother Moon, I felt as if she was coming in to offer me perspective. As my eldest daughter ran around the house as if she were in a jungle and I contemplated ways to get her energy out while also napping the baby and wondered how I would ever get a moment to myself again a calm began to descend upon me.
“The days are long but the years are short,” it was as if the Capricorn moon was reminding me not to get caught up in the overwhelm of how much time and energy I was outputting to my tiny little fairies and reminding me that this is a phase, this is the main job for me right now but it is not the only job I have, nor is it the only one I will ever have, it is however the one that needs the most attention and energy right now. A very inspiring Capricorn woman for me, Patti Smith, writes about how when she had children she stopped performing all together, she stayed home to raise her family. Despite criticism from the feminist community at the time, she wanted to make that decision, she did get up at 5am every morning to write, but the rest of her hours were spent taking care of her family as if that were her career. It was only after the tragic death of her partner that she returned to performing and that was to make money to keep the family going.
That portrait of Patti Smith is the personification of the Capricorn/Cancer balance to me, (we are balancing opposite signs Cap and Cancer as Cap is ruling the moon right now and Cancer the sun). It is also the epitome of the strength of self that she had at that time, to be fully immersed in her family life, to be enjoying her creativity for her own artistic self and to be out of the spotlight, to not fear fading into oblivion during her mothering years, what a balance she must have had between her home and her calling, to have faith that she could go back to her calling as a performer when her children were older and to have faith that she could fully fall into her calling as mother as a career and be okay with that.
That is my focus this month, the amount of minutes that I have to put into my personal calling outside of motherhood is much less than it will ever be, and that is okay, there’s a purpose to me giving as much as I’m giving right now. I am the primary vessel for Source to care for these young bodies and old souls right now as they reintegrate back onto Earth, the writing, the circles, the readings, they will all be there whenever I am ready to pick them up, but these years, these years will never come again, this is my highest work right now.
I love feeling the introverted home maker Cancer Mother archetype when she is ruling the Sun, her energy is so strong and inspiring for me as I tend my home, and I love when the stern Capricorn comes into the light of the full moon and my desires to extend out of the home and into the community, another great role of the Capricorn Goddess, is lit up within my heart, the balance that comes feels reassuring and comforting.
As I walk out of the light of this moon, I am taking perspective with me, right sized-ness and a reminder that some of the roles that we play in life have specific timings and requirements to them and that that is okay. Whether I am in the busy Mother phase of my life or not, one thing that remains steady and unchanging is the top priority in my life, which is a conscious and unwavering relationship with the Source within me, as long as that is at the centre of my soul, all else is balanced around that white, hot beam of alignment with Source, and when I am aligned I can be at peace, being right where I am in the moment, regardless of how chaotic and busy it may be.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: https://img0.etsystatic.com
I wasn’t going to write about today’s Mother Moon (it’s in Aquarius) as I wasn’t feeling inspired to write and I am committed to not ‘doing’ creative things unless I am moved to. Much too often my ego gets in and makes me create so that I can feel as though my existence on Gaia is justified.
I remember once when the Priestess that trained me asked, “Candise, is enjoying life enough of a purpose for you?” I was horrified, of course it wasn’t!!! Shortly after I had a hypnotherapy session in which I visited my past lives at the end of the session my soul told me my life purpose, the message for this lifetime that came through was that my soul was here to learn how to enjoy life, not to focus on big outlandish acts but to just be in life and enjoy it. I shuddered, how little and insignificant I have felt for so very long when I’m not attached to a grand dream of creating a big splash in the world.
It’s interesting, but not surprising, that these lessons would come to mind today with the Aquarian moon having just filled our sky. Aquarius is the energy of change, evolution, revolution and rebellion. These are aspects that my Maiden self relates to, and while that Maiden still lives within me and contributes much to my life, it is the Mother aspect of my life that is ruling right now.
These past few weeks have been mundane, I’ve been exhausted, so, so, so hot and spending long unending days with a toddler that is full of energy, I have had little room to do much more than mother, clean, rest, repeat. Tonight when my husband came home I told him, I needed some time to myself, that time paired with a tea boosted me into inspiration.
The full phase of the moon is the Mother phase, on a microcosmic level I can bring these Aquarian energies into my mothering, I can reflect on how authentic my mothering is, on where I get my ideal’s for raising my daughter and on how to steer us out of the social construct that sexualizes and dehumanizes females before puberty even begins.
The largest aspect of this Mother Moon that I’m feeling tonight is the way that it is mothering me towards freedom and creativity. Aquarians crave freedom as fish out of water crave water and by nature are creative simply by being their authentic selves. I have been reflecting on being an act of creativity just by living and in this reflection I have been thinking about an Aquarian that has inspired me for over half of my life.
If you are Canadian you know that a Canadian hero of ours is facing the final days of his Earthwalk with us. This hero, of course the ever prolific and poetic Mr. Gord Downie is who I’m referring to, is an Aquarius.
Gord Downie is the lead singer of the band The Tragically Hip, I’m not a music writer so I won’t attempt to give you an overview of his work, I will say that his band was an integral part of my Maiden years and my Mother years. His words, his zeal, his eccentric presence on stage, they shaped who I grew into as a woman. I watched him create, was uplifted by his lyrics and my three best friends and I bonded in the melodic ethers of the work that he so generously gave us.
When I was a teenager his music meant freedom, it was a big “fuck you” to the establishment, it meant big open skies and vast mysterious roads ahead. As I aged and became a Mother, moved back to a small town and began to grow a family his music meant roots, community and a true connection to the soil that I live on. His Aquarian self created a community out of Canada and he stayed true to his small town roots this inspires me today.
Many of his poignant lyrics have been haunting me as our country prepares for their final concert this Saturday. “I’ve gotta go, it’s been a pleasure doing business with you.” “Let’s just see what tomorrow brings.” And tonight, it’s been “No dress rehearsal, this is our life.”
This is it, this is my life, how am I living it? That man has maybe no more summers left in this lifetime and he’s sharing it with his country, touring and giving us his soul on stage, it’s an experience I will forever be blessed to have been a witness to.
In the past, if I had had the past few weeks that I have had, sweating, tired, tending a child, cleaning a house and cooking meals with no sight of my grand dream in front of me I would have fallen into a depression. I would have heard that lyric, “No dress rehearsal, this is our life,” and I would have become depressed, I would have felt that my life was mundane, dull and worthless, that I was going through the motions and missing the spark, the ‘it’ factor that the greats experience, I would have felt like my life was worthless.
That is not how I feel tonight. I feel inspired. That line isn’t about my life, it’s about our life, our life as a collective is the focus of the Aquarian Moon. Our life is being lived in this moment, in the mundane, in the day to day tasks, in the heat waves, in the long hazy days of summer. These days will never return again. The spectacular times, the moments when I am on stage, leading a circle, writing my book, dreaming up businesses, I will look back on those times with fondness one day. Those are my dreaming and expanding moments. What I will look back upon with even more fondness will be the memories of my daughter sitting with her feet in the cold water filled sink as I cooked dinner, the anticipation that I feel waiting for my beloved to walk through the door after a long day of manual labour, the hopes of finding our first home and wondering if we can afford it, the unknown of a baby that will one day be as familiar as another limb is to me, as my daughter is now.
Our life is lived in these simple moments, I know everyone else in the world seems to get this, but that has been such a huge piece for me to actually get. I spent my teenage years in pits of angst, just miserable. I dreamt of getting out of this city, of being rich and famous, of being someone and proving my worth to everyone that had wronged me. I know that was my experience because I have the journals to prove it. But when I think back on those years today, I don’t feel the memory of discontent or a need to leave. I feel such warmth and love for what I had. I remember afternoons on the porch with my three soul sisters, I remember long evenings of us laughing and playing, I remember quiet skies and open fields, and when I remember these years I remember that I was doing nothing more than existing and being in the moment. I created because it felt good to create and life felt like it would stretch out forever. I trusted that there was an abundance of time and an abundance of dreams to be fulfilled.
Tonight, I breathe into time, I remember the vast Aquarian truths that elevate us spiritually, that time is an illusion, that we continue round and round the ferris wheel of existence trying on new identities and new experiences and I know tonight that the most important thing for me to do, is to simply live my day as it is, to expand, to stretch towards the highest vibrational wave that I can find and then to ride that wave and to soak up every moment of this turning wheel of life. This is not a dress rehearsal, this is our life and we get live it fully by soaking each and every moment up as the sweet, ephemeral elixir that it is.
Goodnight, be blessed.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: http://aplaceforthings.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Gord-Downie.jpg
The Mother Moon is full and ripe and reflects our full and ripe womb. When the moon is full we are filled with lunar energy and our feminine essence is working to balance her lunar energies with her solar ones.
We are called to balance giving and receiving, nurturing others and self. The astrological sign that the moon is under influences how we experience the expression of each Mother Moon. Tonight the Mother Moon is under the sign of Capricorn.
Capricorn is the matriarch, the community elder, she is compelled to teach, to share and to pass down the wisdom of her ancestors and pave the way for the next seven generations to come.
I am feeling Capricorn Mother Moon energy large tonight. I feel stretched to balance caring for my daughter, caring for my writing and preparing an upcoming workshop with enjoying time with my husband and myself. I have been waiting for the inspiration to really dig into my workshop preparation and felt so grateful when it came upon me today, seeing as the workshop is in four days it couldn’t have come at a better time.
I instantly reflected that the moon herself was zapping me with some deep soul womb wisdom, the workshop is on the phases of the moon and the phases of our womb, what better night to get to work than tonight? The challenge was that my daughter needed me, I was scheduled one of the few restaurant shifts that I get today and I am quite exhausted from the past few weeks.
Finally the time has come where my husband and my daughter are out and I can sit down to get to work. I find comfort in having the matriarchal wisdom of the Divine shining down through the moon as I prepare to get this workshop in order. I feel connected to her calling to share the wisdom of the ancestors, I have received the lessons for this workshop from the Priestess who trained me and from the teachings of the ancestors that has come from deep within my womb.
My Venus, which represents my feminine essence is ruled by Capricorn and my south node, which represents my role in this lifetime is in Capricorn, getting into circle to share about how the women before us gathered and had their wombs linked to the phases of the moon fills me with a sense of purposefulness and peace.
Despite my nerves I will be in the moment and open up to the Goddess to help me to be prepared for the lessons from the past to flow me this Saturday at the festival that I am offering at.
How will you honour the Capricorn Mother Moon tonight? What kind of wisdom do you hold within you from your blood lineage and your spirit family lineage? How and where can you share this wisdom?
Imagine the possibilities if we all made space for our ancestors to share through us and invited their wisdom into the present. That is the magic I am focusing on tonight and the magic that I invite all of you to focus on as well.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xwWuYAsk870/UcaN5xAvk9I/AAAAAAAAAaQ/or_yvfqWco8/s1600/MoonCeremony_goeswithneddiearticleJPEG.thumbnail.jpg
Tonight’s Mother Moon is a blue moon, the second full moon in one month. This month has been insanely intense for me, the fact that five planets have been retrograde has not made this pressure cooker of a month feel any easier.
I have been dreading tonight’s moon, and in my dreading has come an avoidance to writing tonight. Because of this avoidance I have been reading old posts of mine about Sagittarius Mother Moon’s. On my Priestess of Grace Facebook page I found that the majority of Sagittarius Mother Moon’s I have written about have been big one’s, they have been super moons and moons ending eclipses or moons on Friday the 13th. I also discovered that last year’s Sagittarius Mother Moon was also full during a Mercury Retrograde, it was also not an easy one for me.
What I found interesting when I read last year’s blog post about the Sagittarius Mother Moon was remembering what a tough time that moon was for me, and yet, in retrospect I have found memories of that time. The unknown, living with my parents, the quiet spring days that felt so long are now warm memories of a time when we were all close as a family and awaiting what would be. What a profound and cliched truth that the times when we struggle become the ones we remember with fondness, once we are through them.
I don’t know if that will be the case with this time in my life however.
I have been dreading tonight’s moon because it is a Sagittarius Mother Moon. Normally I don’t look forward to Sagittarius energies, as it is one of my least favourite energies, however, I had conceived a Sag-to-be. While I was pregnant with my little archer I began to appreciate this energy, as I contemplated how I would mother a Sagittarius and how young Sagittarius energy would influence our family dynamic all of the most shining qualities of Sagittarius began to rise up in my consciousness. I felt the little archer influencing my energy as it grew in my womb.
I actually became excited to be around Sagittarius energy.
I was excited.
And then I miscarried. A big, messy, bloody, almost pass out and end in surgery miscarriage.
I new this moon was coming and I was not looking forward to it, in fact we will have two Sagittarius Mother Moon’s this year and the idea of big emotional Sagittarius energy made me fear what would come up for me. Where is my lesson in all of this?
As if loosing my baby wasn’t hard enough for us as a family, less than two weeks later my father-in-law passed away. That’s one baby and one father that my husband lost within a two week period. At this point I was expecting us all to just sink down into a dark abyss of despair, a heavy, sinking swamp of grief for our family to wade through.
Somehow, unexpectedly, I feel brighter than ever, and my husband that has been struggling immensely, which has meant large struggles within our marriage, with his father’s cancer, seems softer and more grounded than ever. I attribute this to a few factors, first grace, big grace to carry us through this time, and next love, our marriage came to a breaking point of grief and we decided we had to find lightness and love with each other despite our circumstances, and lastly, the spirit of my Sagittarius baby and my father-in-law.
I truly feel as though that Sagittarius spirit-to-be, the sign of optimism and good luck is with me now, I feel that little being beside me like a cherub angel and I feel as though the pureness of that being blesses me and is infusing me with optimism and hope, two things that are very foreign to my nature.
I also feel as though my father-in-law is guiding my husband through this time and his gentle spirit is tending to my husband’s heart.
Sagittarius Mother Moon’s are all about emotional optimism and emotional adventures. I have been just so stressed and sad these past months and after my husband and I hit our breaking point I began to reach up spiritually, I needed to be lightened and to get back into the vortex, I could not live in the realm of circumstances because the circumstances just continued to get worse and worse.
I found an Abraham Hick’s prosperity process, it involves spending energetic money, $1,000 the first day $2,000 the next and so on, you write cheques and decide what you will spend your energetic money on. The first day I ‘bought’ more groceries, herbal products and some more items I had been needing but waiting on due to our budget. The second day I got stuck after ‘spending’ $800, that was eye opening to me, I didn’t know how to spend dream money. I didn’t know how to dream about what I wanted for the joy of it, I realized I spend my time dreaming about what I want in the needs department and the ministry department but not so much in the fun and wants department. As I began to expand my dreams and to get into the ‘spending’ all of a sudden new money began to appear, money that I wanted deposited into our savings account, I always want extra money in the savings account. It dawned on me, if we had extra money that flowed into our life, we could take a small portion for us as a family, just as ‘fun’ money, I suggested this to my husband and he agreed, for the first time in years I began to feel excited and happy about money and not at all stressed about spending it.The next day, I realized that we had even more extra money, more to deposit into savings and more to take a portion for some fun.
This energy of flow and prosperity and enjoying the prosperity and being ‘lucky’ (I don’t believe in luck but it’s the Sagittarius term) reminds me about the bright side of Sagittarius. I’ve had many Sagittarius men in my life and now this baby and these moons, so much Sagittarius energy, energy that was my least favourite for a very long time, energy that I resisted up until this baby, energy that I probably always would have resisted if not for this baby. I feel blessed by the archer now and I feel blessed to have an archer spirit by my side, my ‘good luck’ spirit.
Tonight, as the moon shines full of optimism and hope I open my heart up, willing and ready to feel the pain, and exceptionally surprised to find that there is joy, light and hope that is shining through. The moon rules the emotions and the emotional realm is our guidance system, it tells us whether we are in alignment with Source energy or not. A positive and uplifting Sagittarius Mother Moon gives us all the opportunity to walk through our darker emotions and step into the light of the vortex
As you open yourself and your heart up to the archer moon tonight you may find that some of this adventurous, unfiltered, lucky energy enlivens your emotional world and begins to create experiences beyond your wildest dreams, that’s the goal I have set my sites on for tonight, a life that is beyond my dreams, a life that is guided and directed by my full and beautiful emotional guidance system.
This is a complete turn about for my soul, once upon a time, 13 years ago, I discovered that I had a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body that could only be overcome by obtaining hope. I was crushed, I shared with my tribe that hope was something I would not tolerate, I wound’t, couldn’t risk opening myself up to hope and being let down, I had been too crushed by life, too traumatized and betrayed. 13 years later and in the face of a devastating two weeks I find myself buoyed and carried on the wings of hope and this hope that I find comfort and validation in only leads to more hope as I witness true change and evolution within my soul’s evolution on this earth plane.
Tonight I am soaking up this hope and beaming it out into the world from my open and full heart, I wish that all of you will ride these lunar beams of hope into newer expressions of life and dreaming and love as we continue to evolve and grow together on the wings of hope’s light.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/image_content_width/hash/ae/9a/ae9ac85ce941a1caf0e65611afa5d8e9.jpg?itok=2VoxD1Cu