As I sit here surrounded by my Cancer dreams come true I open my heart and allow the floods of sadness to wash over me. This is not a sadness caused by depression, an insidious illness that does rob one of their ability to enjoy the outer trappings of their life, nor is this sadness due to any conflict or struggle, no this sadness is a wave of Cancer energy carrying me away on the tides of nostalgia.
The moon is new, a Crone Moon as I have been taught to work with her and is in Cancer, the sign of the Divine Mother and all things maternal, nurturing and psychic. Today’s Crone Moon is met by a partial solar eclipse in Cancer, and this Crone moon is a super moon. The super moon amplifies the Cancer energy and the solar eclipse calls for us to pause and to go back in reflection upon our personal life experience and examine the shadows that exist within us in the area’s ruled by the astrological sign guiding the eclipse, in this instance, Cancer.
Astrologer Coach Sonja Francis teaches in this month’s new moon/solar eclipse video about the origin of this eclipse beginning 18 years ago in July, she encourages us to look at what it was that we were learning or processing in July of 2000 and as I allow the shadow over the sun to guide me into the shadow of my human and the psychic ability of the Cancer super moon to open my inner awareness to a much wider degree than normal much is coming to silvery lunar light for me today.
The themes of this energy for me is separation from mother and separation from family and soul tribes, I suspect the lesson on the other side of this shadow is that we are all connected eternally and ultimately that we are all one, what that truth will mean for me in my human life as I digest it deeper is yet to be seen, that will come when the new seed is planted in 48 hours and in the days to come as it grows through 2019 into fruition, for this energy is but a preview of what we will be working with in the upcoming eclipse year.
Cancer rules the ocean, the womb, the dreamland, today I am reflecting upon my dreams in relation to the Cancer themes that abound at this time. So many of my dreams from 18 years ago have been realized and come to fruition. The ones that I see in full bloom were my dreams to fall in love, to be and receive love from that Beloved, to get married, to have children, to be a mother, to be a writer, to be a spiritual speaker and to have my four soul sisters in my life at the depth that they were 18 years ago. My home is a sanctuary, my daughters are beautiful with magical names, my friends and community reflect my consciousness, my husband is a babe and I am more in love with him than ever. I have a deep unfolding spiritual life and I have spiritual quests and pursuits that I walk on a daily basis. I know God and She fulfills me. The garden of my life is fragrant and lovely and blessed.
I also am looking at area’s where those dreams didn’t come through in the sweetest way that I imagined, I wanted all four of us to live together, houses beside each other, all of us in love and married with homes full of bouncing children. I wanted us all to be lucratively rich and to live in exotic places, to be a foursome with our own families as the gift that we lived in, always returning to each other. Those dreams have showed up in ways unexpected, some of us are mothers, some happily so and some of us struggling, some of us are in love, some are not, some have been through divorce, some of us have had children in hospitals, the exotic lands visited have been visited separately and where each one of us will root down and create our forever home has been one of the most challenging choices to make individually let alone together. So there are still dreams around my family, tribe and home left to be dreamt as I walk through this eclipse.
To get specific I am journeying back to 2000 and finding the lessons that I am still working through 18 years later.
In July of 2000 I was enjoying my final summer at home, I was 1.5 months away from going away to college, leaving my mother who was unwell at the time, leaving my little brother whom I had taken a protective and mothering role over and leaving my four soul sisters, the girls in my life that made me feel home and that would forever be at the centre of my heart. I knew that the move and the separation was coming and I had no way to ground the feelings of the looming transition down. I would imagine what it would be like to go to bed in a house that didn’t contain my parents, what it would be like to spend mornings alone, what it would be like to not be there for my little brother and of deep concern how I was going to ensure that the four of us, my soul sisters and I, stayed together. For some odd reason adults seemed to love to tell us that while we imagined we would be best friends forever that after high school everything would change and we would grow apart. I was determined to not let that happen, at all costs I was going to keep us together, even though we were all about to move away to separate parts of the province I would be our connective link.
Fast forward 18 years later and in this July of 2018 I am enjoying the potentially last summer of having two girls at home full time, my intended-to-be-homeschooled almost 5 year old has decided that she wants to join the school system and we have agreed to support her in that heroine’s journey of her own. I again flounder for ways to ground the energy of this transition down as we go through busy days with her and I and a toddler and fall into exhausted sleeps only to find me awake in the middle of the night holding her big body, or snuggling her little sister and wondering where the time has gone, how is she not the size of her little sister? I know that very soon she will be closer to child than toddler and they way that I have known her will transform forever, each day she individuates from me a little bit more. This is a transition of her stepping away from me as mother in July of 2018 and in July of 2000 I was stepping away from my mother.
As the three of us took our morning walk today, I reflected on where I was 18 summers ago and I grew so homesick for my soul sisters. One of us lives in the same town as me now, the other two of us used to live in the same city together in our 20’s, now we are spread out. We are still all soul sister friends, at least I am their soul sister friend and they are mine, though the dynamics of the foursome has changed over the years, a change that I resisted greatly and attempted to control and manage, I still have my sisters in my life and hopes that we will once again be in close proximity physically and emotionally as a foursome. Memories of us partying and playing in that last summer together before college break my heart and I remember the sadness too that each one of us held at that time in our life, each one of us with our own childhood trauma had found one another and formed a bond of care taking for one another that we would remain etched on each other’s souls forever. I longed to have my sisters back with me in the flesh this morning, I longed for my daughters to be with me forever and in the longing I began to have flashes of the horrific stories that I have heard from mother’s at the border torn away from their children and suddenly it all comes together for me.
There is a belief within me and a belief intertwined in our society that we can be separated, that we can be separated from each other, from our good, from our health, from our life, from Heaven and ultimately from the presence and love of God Herself. Even those of us who consider themselves to be spiritual intellectuals who know that the ultimate truth is otherwise still live our lives in two worlds, the one where our Highest Selves hold truth and the one where our human selves reach up to pull those truths down into actualization.
That is the opportunity coming up for me today, I will wait the 48 hours suggested by Sonja Francis before setting any intentions, but for today I will begin to allow awareness to dawn on me. Astrology in itself is not a power, there is One Power, astrology is an energetic map pointing us Home, directing us inwards, back into whole-ness and back into awareness of that One Power. Today I will embrace the pain that I felt when I was separated from my mother at birth, by her illness, by going away to college, by moving across the country, by getting married, by becoming a mother. I will embrace the pain that I felt when I felt separated from my daughters after both births, one when I was wheeled away to recover, the other in a traumatic NICU stay when we were transported to separate rooms, when they were watched by someone other than me for the first time and when one of them prepared to leave to go to school. I will embrace the pain of my sisters moving away and growing into lives that aren’t intrinsically connected with mine on a day to day basis. I will embrace the pain that two of my great grandmothers never healed from when they were separated from their children (unto the seven generations) and I will embrace the pain of all of the mothers being ripped away from their offspring right now. I will embrace those feelings right now because they still exist in my shadowy regions and the Cancer solar eclipse which deals with matters involving mothers, family, offspring and Home is highlighting my shadows in this area. I will embrace them and I will allow them to flow from me, offering them to the Great Mother to be returned into love as the Crone Moon does her job of aiding me in releasing what is no longer serving me energetically. I will release and I will return my blood to the earth and then I will sit in meditation, awaiting the message of the Mother Goddess in her Cancer archetype, awaiting instruction about how and what seed to intend to fill the space that once held my fears of being separated.
Tonight I fall into the lap of the Mother and await Her wisdom as she strokes my hair and reminds me that She has always been with me, has always been me and IS everything, everyone and everywhere.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
The image is from a book with illustrations by Frédérique Bertin.
The book is titled L’amante de Shambu et le Fou de Shakti by Remi Boyer.
The Summer Solstice paired with the Mother Strawberry moon, the second Sagittarius full moon in a month, has completely depleted me.
I’m not a light gal, I’m a dark (not heavy, dark like mystery, cool, lunar, night) gal, today’s sun which is only to be followed by a fiery full moon has fried me.
My intention for this Solstice was to gather with the community that is slowly building for me here, as it was, the only time that worked for availability for everyone was two days ago. I had felt mildly disappointed that we were going to be gathering a full 48 hours before Solstice, however, as the day drew closer I became grateful for the time to prepare the way for today’s bright zenith.
As I panted and rubbed cool clothes all over me during this record breaking hot day I was immensely appreciative that grace had paved the way for us to meet before today, I don’t know that I could have led ceremony or set intention in this heat, sitting down to write feels like a miracle as it is.
Our ceremony was wonderful, we examined the shadow side of our sun sign and decided on what it was that we were wiling to release from our shadow self on the Solstice, today I threw a rock with what I was letting go of (written on it) into the creek that flowed beside my daughter and I. In ceremony we also went within to discover our power words for the four elements, words of power that we would walk with during this next phase of the wheel and intended for those qualities to be magnified during the Solstice hours.
The Sun is all power, we discussed power and the responsibility that comes with it and focused on the old saying “Do as Thou wilt an it harm none.”
I left the ceremony feeling lighter, feeling focused and feeling inspired. The past few weeks have been an energetic upswing for me, the laws of grace have been working in my life and I have been really devoted to practicing principles of grace in my days. I’ve been feeling simplified and called to really focus on home and family and with this has come a sense of peace and being settled.
I will utilize tonight’s Mothering Fiery Moon energy to reconnect to my passionate self and to re light the fires within. Tonight’s moon marks the end of my first moon time since my miscarriage, soon we will try again. There is much hope up ahead.
The Summer season is ruled by the water element in the tradition that I was trained in, water is my element, I yearn to flow and to wade, I am ready for the waters of Mother Nature. This season my focus is on surrender, passion, inspiration, trust, and family and home sweet home.
That’s all that I have for tonight, my family and I are about to take down our spring nature table, tomorrow morning my daughter will wake up to a wave puzzle and a new blue silk and summer book left for her from the Summer Mother Goddess. We are also going to take down the spring altar in our prayer room and review the cards that we had all pulled for the spring season. I was to focus on strength, visualization and passion this past season. I see now that I didn’t as much focus on those attributes as they found me. I needed strength to walk through my miscarriage and to face the demons of control that had been pulling at me for the past year. Visualization called for me to focus on what felt good rather than my worries, and passion challenged me to re-define what matters most to me in my life.
Tonight I will ask for the light of the moon and the light of the sun to guide us as we pull our summer cards and prepare for a new turn of the wheel, what lies ahead is a mystery to me, all that I know is that gentleness and peace seem to be guiding my way right now and for that I am eternally grateful.
Merrry Solstice to you and yours!
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from gostica.com (editing done by moi)
Tonight’s Mother Moon is a blue moon, the second full moon in one month. This month has been insanely intense for me, the fact that five planets have been retrograde has not made this pressure cooker of a month feel any easier.
I have been dreading tonight’s moon, and in my dreading has come an avoidance to writing tonight. Because of this avoidance I have been reading old posts of mine about Sagittarius Mother Moon’s. On my Priestess of Grace Facebook page I found that the majority of Sagittarius Mother Moon’s I have written about have been big one’s, they have been super moons and moons ending eclipses or moons on Friday the 13th. I also discovered that last year’s Sagittarius Mother Moon was also full during a Mercury Retrograde, it was also not an easy one for me.
What I found interesting when I read last year’s blog post about the Sagittarius Mother Moon was remembering what a tough time that moon was for me, and yet, in retrospect I have found memories of that time. The unknown, living with my parents, the quiet spring days that felt so long are now warm memories of a time when we were all close as a family and awaiting what would be. What a profound and cliched truth that the times when we struggle become the ones we remember with fondness, once we are through them.
I don’t know if that will be the case with this time in my life however.
I have been dreading tonight’s moon because it is a Sagittarius Mother Moon. Normally I don’t look forward to Sagittarius energies, as it is one of my least favourite energies, however, I had conceived a Sag-to-be. While I was pregnant with my little archer I began to appreciate this energy, as I contemplated how I would mother a Sagittarius and how young Sagittarius energy would influence our family dynamic all of the most shining qualities of Sagittarius began to rise up in my consciousness. I felt the little archer influencing my energy as it grew in my womb.
I actually became excited to be around Sagittarius energy.
I was excited.
And then I miscarried. A big, messy, bloody, almost pass out and end in surgery miscarriage.
I new this moon was coming and I was not looking forward to it, in fact we will have two Sagittarius Mother Moon’s this year and the idea of big emotional Sagittarius energy made me fear what would come up for me. Where is my lesson in all of this?
As if loosing my baby wasn’t hard enough for us as a family, less than two weeks later my father-in-law passed away. That’s one baby and one father that my husband lost within a two week period. At this point I was expecting us all to just sink down into a dark abyss of despair, a heavy, sinking swamp of grief for our family to wade through.
Somehow, unexpectedly, I feel brighter than ever, and my husband that has been struggling immensely, which has meant large struggles within our marriage, with his father’s cancer, seems softer and more grounded than ever. I attribute this to a few factors, first grace, big grace to carry us through this time, and next love, our marriage came to a breaking point of grief and we decided we had to find lightness and love with each other despite our circumstances, and lastly, the spirit of my Sagittarius baby and my father-in-law.
I truly feel as though that Sagittarius spirit-to-be, the sign of optimism and good luck is with me now, I feel that little being beside me like a cherub angel and I feel as though the pureness of that being blesses me and is infusing me with optimism and hope, two things that are very foreign to my nature.
I also feel as though my father-in-law is guiding my husband through this time and his gentle spirit is tending to my husband’s heart.
Sagittarius Mother Moon’s are all about emotional optimism and emotional adventures. I have been just so stressed and sad these past months and after my husband and I hit our breaking point I began to reach up spiritually, I needed to be lightened and to get back into the vortex, I could not live in the realm of circumstances because the circumstances just continued to get worse and worse.
I found an Abraham Hick’s prosperity process, it involves spending energetic money, $1,000 the first day $2,000 the next and so on, you write cheques and decide what you will spend your energetic money on. The first day I ‘bought’ more groceries, herbal products and some more items I had been needing but waiting on due to our budget. The second day I got stuck after ‘spending’ $800, that was eye opening to me, I didn’t know how to spend dream money. I didn’t know how to dream about what I wanted for the joy of it, I realized I spend my time dreaming about what I want in the needs department and the ministry department but not so much in the fun and wants department. As I began to expand my dreams and to get into the ‘spending’ all of a sudden new money began to appear, money that I wanted deposited into our savings account, I always want extra money in the savings account. It dawned on me, if we had extra money that flowed into our life, we could take a small portion for us as a family, just as ‘fun’ money, I suggested this to my husband and he agreed, for the first time in years I began to feel excited and happy about money and not at all stressed about spending it.The next day, I realized that we had even more extra money, more to deposit into savings and more to take a portion for some fun.
This energy of flow and prosperity and enjoying the prosperity and being ‘lucky’ (I don’t believe in luck but it’s the Sagittarius term) reminds me about the bright side of Sagittarius. I’ve had many Sagittarius men in my life and now this baby and these moons, so much Sagittarius energy, energy that was my least favourite for a very long time, energy that I resisted up until this baby, energy that I probably always would have resisted if not for this baby. I feel blessed by the archer now and I feel blessed to have an archer spirit by my side, my ‘good luck’ spirit.
Tonight, as the moon shines full of optimism and hope I open my heart up, willing and ready to feel the pain, and exceptionally surprised to find that there is joy, light and hope that is shining through. The moon rules the emotions and the emotional realm is our guidance system, it tells us whether we are in alignment with Source energy or not. A positive and uplifting Sagittarius Mother Moon gives us all the opportunity to walk through our darker emotions and step into the light of the vortex
As you open yourself and your heart up to the archer moon tonight you may find that some of this adventurous, unfiltered, lucky energy enlivens your emotional world and begins to create experiences beyond your wildest dreams, that’s the goal I have set my sites on for tonight, a life that is beyond my dreams, a life that is guided and directed by my full and beautiful emotional guidance system.
This is a complete turn about for my soul, once upon a time, 13 years ago, I discovered that I had a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body that could only be overcome by obtaining hope. I was crushed, I shared with my tribe that hope was something I would not tolerate, I wound’t, couldn’t risk opening myself up to hope and being let down, I had been too crushed by life, too traumatized and betrayed. 13 years later and in the face of a devastating two weeks I find myself buoyed and carried on the wings of hope and this hope that I find comfort and validation in only leads to more hope as I witness true change and evolution within my soul’s evolution on this earth plane.
Tonight I am soaking up this hope and beaming it out into the world from my open and full heart, I wish that all of you will ride these lunar beams of hope into newer expressions of life and dreaming and love as we continue to evolve and grow together on the wings of hope’s light.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/image_content_width/hash/ae/9a/ae9ac85ce941a1caf0e65611afa5d8e9.jpg?itok=2VoxD1Cu
A Crone Moon, a Supermoon and a Solar Eclipse tonight, woah, big energies coming through.
I’ll start off by saying I am feeling much more like I do during Mother Moon’s, I feel loony, full, electric, wiry and my fuse is shorter than I would expect for a dreamy Pisces Crone Moon.
I’m attributing this energy to the eclipse and the Super aspect of the moon. We also have an enormous amount of planets in Pisces right now as well which amplifies our sensitivity and emotional energy.
When the Sun is eclipsed, the ego is shadowed and this gives a moment of pause to look behind the curtain of the stories that we have been running, the patterns and the ego structures that we have been unconsciously programmed to live out.
For me it is a loop of first chakra anxiety, a hugely manic amount of grinding energy that is fixated on maintaining financial security and stability. At the seat of my soul is the freedom to release, to flow, to surrender and to trust and yet I cover over this soul freedom by repeating old patterns that I know don’t serve me.
Grace has always kept me in good standing, we are happy, healthy and prosperous as a family, and yet my underactive root chakra is constantly seeking more security and assurance. This is the pattern that came up for me to work towards regaining harmony and balance with. In the past when I have worked with this issue I worked with the effects, tonight, the cause became apparent, and the cause is so much simpler than the many effects. A weak root chakra is the cause.
Pisces is the final sign in the zodiac, the mystic, the sign about to ascend into the mystical realms, this revelation that came to me about my root chakra was directly linked to my spiritual growth. Too much focus on the material realm cuts me off from the spiritual truths and energy that abound around me.
Crone moons are about releasing and being filled with wisdom, what I was needing to release was wound up fears and anxieties.
As I was posting an invitation to this month’s Goddess Gathering I was longing for someone else to guide, I desperately longed to be able to receive. Shortly after that desire was born I began to write about my hopes of finding more community in this small town that we now live in. Within the month I have found two new women and one of those women was holding a crystal bowl meditation for the chakra’s, I jumped on board immediately. My desire for community and to be guided was answered and I couldn’t be happier.
Tonight, my husband and I attended the meditation together, a real treat as we haven’t had a lot of date nights in the past 2.5 years. We lied down side by side and held hands throughout the crystal bowl meditation. My body and energy system responds to sound very quickly. By the time the third bowl was being rung I was journeying though the ethers, surrounded by a white mist and enveloped with angelic energy. It was exactly what the both of us needed.
As we lie side by side, hand in hand, I envisioned the Goddess and God energy of this realm coming together and creating the One Creator, I remembered that he and I are together first and foremost to honour the Goddess and God in one another. I held my moonstone in the other hand, this month’s crystal focus and felt her getting charged with me. At the end of the night I purchased moonstone infused bath salts and walked out into the open air, rejuvenated and much lighter than when I had walked in.
During the meditation my focused intention was on my root chakra. As the root chakra bowl was being rung I received guidance to plant the energy that was being conjured within me into our land, into the earth of this town that we are living in. There is potential here, potential for higher vibrations, for new understanding and for healing with this earth to occur.
That is my focus for this upcoming month. To strengthen my root chakra and to nourish the earth with the spiritual energy that I conjure up. How beautifully paradoxic that when the moon and the sun are in the most spiritual of signs it is my connection to my body and my earth walk that are calling for the most attention. That is the true path of the Priestess, to honour her spirit and her body in equal measure.
As the influx of Pisces dreamy energy and the high vibration of the crystal bowls bathed me I felt my root chakra and the roots of the earth soak up the energy. Tonight I will continue to let go of my attachments and to open up to a new way, a higher way of being in my body and on this earth. As I fill with light and new energy I will pour into the earth all that I am blessed to receive from on high, energy pouring like watery Pisces wisdom from the Heavens above into the Mother below.
How will you allow this Pisces Crone Moon to move you?
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
March Moonstone, it has a nice ring to it, it almost sounds like I should be saying “March Moonstone Madness!”
The moon, which this stone is intimately linked to, is known to be a bit looney and I feel as though this ultra feminine, emotional, Goddess stone is revealing some of her loonier side to me as well.
The first thing that I realized after the moonstone card was drawn and I began shopping for a moonstone was that I already owned one, I had forgotten because my moonstone is a black moonstone. I considered buying the traditional white moonstone, as that was the colour I was feeling drawn to during the car ride under the full moon back in New Jersey when I had first hoped that moonstone would be our March focus, however after some research and meditating I decided that I would work with my black moonstone.
In researching black moonstone it became apparent that the womb work that moonstone aids women with, is amplified when she is black, and when I sat with her, the silver lines that reflected as I turned her over felt like I had a slice of the moon in the palm of my hand.
What I love about this particular piece is that I picked her three years ago, I was drawn to her iridescent silver lines. I didn’t do any research on her, I knew that she was a moonstone and she felt infinitely more powerful than other moonstone pieces I had come across in the past. At this time in my life I had just begun working for an online psychic company and was beginning a blog radio show where I would offer psychic readings online, this stone in conjunction with my labradorite egg were the two stones that I would hold and meditate with before my show and before my readings. The moonstone I would hold over my third eye and she would sit in my left hand and the labradorite in my right.
Fast forward three years later and as I read about moonstone in the Liquid Crystal Oracle, she is closely linked to labradorite, seems I have a thing for iridescent stones.
I love when research confirms what my intuition has led me to, moonstone and labradorite working hand in hand is an energetic powerhouse that I had been guided to utilize. I remember when I began my Priestess training, I wanted to research everything, the Priestess teaching me would encourage me to research to a point and then to let go and fall into the mystery.
Moonstone is all mystery. She is the dark, the feminine, the Goddess, the moon.
I have been soothed and connected while holding her in the palm of my hand the past two days, last night I placed her over my womb to meditate, I was overcome by the intensity of the visceral reaction my womb and this stone had together. I felt deep vibrations penetrating and was grateful for a Divine Creator that guides my path.
I tried to get pregnant last month. I assumed it would be a cinch, I got pregnant on my first try with my daughter. I practically found my ovulation window, as well as my lunar fertile window and informed my husband of every night he was to impregnate me. Afterwards with legs in the air we would put our show on and watch Netflix while I waited for a sperm to find my egg. The rest of the month I was just waiting for the confirmation that pregnancy had happened. It kinda felt like taking a pill and waiting for the effects to kick in, except it never did.
It began to dawn on me that I was putting a lot less into my intention for this new life to-be than I had with my daughter. We had done a month long womb journey meditation prior to conceiving, both my husband and I waking up early and staying up late to do the guided sound meditations and journal work. I had begun taking vitamins three months prior to conceiving and had been reading up on soul’s and their connection to their parents prior to incarnation. This time around our conception attempting was sloppy work.
My intention for this next month became to bring intention and Divinity into the process, to allow the mystery to be. Moonstone came to me and the first thing I read about her was that she was a womb stone. She is the beginning of my path towards conscious conception, I know at a deeper level that I avoided this work because the mystery of conception scares me. I wanted it to be a straight forward no-nonsene experience, because not having control is scary.
Moonstone is the Mother Goddess stone, she is full mystery and total flow. I am sinking into her and opening up to the mystery of her essence.
We have flowed from humility to equal love and now the great Mother Goddess, the Moon Woman is calling us to sink down into her watery depths, to find our intuition, our emotional fields and to trust our wise and surrendered Goddess essence to guide us for this next month.
I look forward to being nurtured and inspired by moonstone and to watching the mystery unfold my path.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly