As I sit here surrounded by my Cancer dreams come true I open my heart and allow the floods of sadness to wash over me. This is not a sadness caused by depression, an insidious illness that does rob one of their ability to enjoy the outer trappings of their life, nor is this sadness due to any conflict or struggle, no this sadness is a wave of Cancer energy carrying me away on the tides of nostalgia.
The moon is new, a Crone Moon as I have been taught to work with her and is in Cancer, the sign of the Divine Mother and all things maternal, nurturing and psychic. Today’s Crone Moon is met by a partial solar eclipse in Cancer, and this Crone moon is a super moon. The super moon amplifies the Cancer energy and the solar eclipse calls for us to pause and to go back in reflection upon our personal life experience and examine the shadows that exist within us in the area’s ruled by the astrological sign guiding the eclipse, in this instance, Cancer.
Astrologer Coach Sonja Francis teaches in this month’s new moon/solar eclipse video about the origin of this eclipse beginning 18 years ago in July, she encourages us to look at what it was that we were learning or processing in July of 2000 and as I allow the shadow over the sun to guide me into the shadow of my human and the psychic ability of the Cancer super moon to open my inner awareness to a much wider degree than normal much is coming to silvery lunar light for me today.
The themes of this energy for me is separation from mother and separation from family and soul tribes, I suspect the lesson on the other side of this shadow is that we are all connected eternally and ultimately that we are all one, what that truth will mean for me in my human life as I digest it deeper is yet to be seen, that will come when the new seed is planted in 48 hours and in the days to come as it grows through 2019 into fruition, for this energy is but a preview of what we will be working with in the upcoming eclipse year.
Cancer rules the ocean, the womb, the dreamland, today I am reflecting upon my dreams in relation to the Cancer themes that abound at this time. So many of my dreams from 18 years ago have been realized and come to fruition. The ones that I see in full bloom were my dreams to fall in love, to be and receive love from that Beloved, to get married, to have children, to be a mother, to be a writer, to be a spiritual speaker and to have my four soul sisters in my life at the depth that they were 18 years ago. My home is a sanctuary, my daughters are beautiful with magical names, my friends and community reflect my consciousness, my husband is a babe and I am more in love with him than ever. I have a deep unfolding spiritual life and I have spiritual quests and pursuits that I walk on a daily basis. I know God and She fulfills me. The garden of my life is fragrant and lovely and blessed.
I also am looking at area’s where those dreams didn’t come through in the sweetest way that I imagined, I wanted all four of us to live together, houses beside each other, all of us in love and married with homes full of bouncing children. I wanted us all to be lucratively rich and to live in exotic places, to be a foursome with our own families as the gift that we lived in, always returning to each other. Those dreams have showed up in ways unexpected, some of us are mothers, some happily so and some of us struggling, some of us are in love, some are not, some have been through divorce, some of us have had children in hospitals, the exotic lands visited have been visited separately and where each one of us will root down and create our forever home has been one of the most challenging choices to make individually let alone together. So there are still dreams around my family, tribe and home left to be dreamt as I walk through this eclipse.
To get specific I am journeying back to 2000 and finding the lessons that I am still working through 18 years later.
In July of 2000 I was enjoying my final summer at home, I was 1.5 months away from going away to college, leaving my mother who was unwell at the time, leaving my little brother whom I had taken a protective and mothering role over and leaving my four soul sisters, the girls in my life that made me feel home and that would forever be at the centre of my heart. I knew that the move and the separation was coming and I had no way to ground the feelings of the looming transition down. I would imagine what it would be like to go to bed in a house that didn’t contain my parents, what it would be like to spend mornings alone, what it would be like to not be there for my little brother and of deep concern how I was going to ensure that the four of us, my soul sisters and I, stayed together. For some odd reason adults seemed to love to tell us that while we imagined we would be best friends forever that after high school everything would change and we would grow apart. I was determined to not let that happen, at all costs I was going to keep us together, even though we were all about to move away to separate parts of the province I would be our connective link.
Fast forward 18 years later and in this July of 2018 I am enjoying the potentially last summer of having two girls at home full time, my intended-to-be-homeschooled almost 5 year old has decided that she wants to join the school system and we have agreed to support her in that heroine’s journey of her own. I again flounder for ways to ground the energy of this transition down as we go through busy days with her and I and a toddler and fall into exhausted sleeps only to find me awake in the middle of the night holding her big body, or snuggling her little sister and wondering where the time has gone, how is she not the size of her little sister? I know that very soon she will be closer to child than toddler and they way that I have known her will transform forever, each day she individuates from me a little bit more. This is a transition of her stepping away from me as mother in July of 2018 and in July of 2000 I was stepping away from my mother.
As the three of us took our morning walk today, I reflected on where I was 18 summers ago and I grew so homesick for my soul sisters. One of us lives in the same town as me now, the other two of us used to live in the same city together in our 20’s, now we are spread out. We are still all soul sister friends, at least I am their soul sister friend and they are mine, though the dynamics of the foursome has changed over the years, a change that I resisted greatly and attempted to control and manage, I still have my sisters in my life and hopes that we will once again be in close proximity physically and emotionally as a foursome. Memories of us partying and playing in that last summer together before college break my heart and I remember the sadness too that each one of us held at that time in our life, each one of us with our own childhood trauma had found one another and formed a bond of care taking for one another that we would remain etched on each other’s souls forever. I longed to have my sisters back with me in the flesh this morning, I longed for my daughters to be with me forever and in the longing I began to have flashes of the horrific stories that I have heard from mother’s at the border torn away from their children and suddenly it all comes together for me.
There is a belief within me and a belief intertwined in our society that we can be separated, that we can be separated from each other, from our good, from our health, from our life, from Heaven and ultimately from the presence and love of God Herself. Even those of us who consider themselves to be spiritual intellectuals who know that the ultimate truth is otherwise still live our lives in two worlds, the one where our Highest Selves hold truth and the one where our human selves reach up to pull those truths down into actualization.
That is the opportunity coming up for me today, I will wait the 48 hours suggested by Sonja Francis before setting any intentions, but for today I will begin to allow awareness to dawn on me. Astrology in itself is not a power, there is One Power, astrology is an energetic map pointing us Home, directing us inwards, back into whole-ness and back into awareness of that One Power. Today I will embrace the pain that I felt when I was separated from my mother at birth, by her illness, by going away to college, by moving across the country, by getting married, by becoming a mother. I will embrace the pain that I felt when I felt separated from my daughters after both births, one when I was wheeled away to recover, the other in a traumatic NICU stay when we were transported to separate rooms, when they were watched by someone other than me for the first time and when one of them prepared to leave to go to school. I will embrace the pain of my sisters moving away and growing into lives that aren’t intrinsically connected with mine on a day to day basis. I will embrace the pain that two of my great grandmothers never healed from when they were separated from their children (unto the seven generations) and I will embrace the pain of all of the mothers being ripped away from their offspring right now. I will embrace those feelings right now because they still exist in my shadowy regions and the Cancer solar eclipse which deals with matters involving mothers, family, offspring and Home is highlighting my shadows in this area. I will embrace them and I will allow them to flow from me, offering them to the Great Mother to be returned into love as the Crone Moon does her job of aiding me in releasing what is no longer serving me energetically. I will release and I will return my blood to the earth and then I will sit in meditation, awaiting the message of the Mother Goddess in her Cancer archetype, awaiting instruction about how and what seed to intend to fill the space that once held my fears of being separated.
Tonight I fall into the lap of the Mother and await Her wisdom as she strokes my hair and reminds me that She has always been with me, has always been me and IS everything, everyone and everywhere.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
The image is from a book with illustrations by Frédérique Bertin.
The book is titled L’amante de Shambu et le Fou de Shakti by Remi Boyer.
A Crone Moon, a Supermoon and a Solar Eclipse tonight, woah, big energies coming through.
I’ll start off by saying I am feeling much more like I do during Mother Moon’s, I feel loony, full, electric, wiry and my fuse is shorter than I would expect for a dreamy Pisces Crone Moon.
I’m attributing this energy to the eclipse and the Super aspect of the moon. We also have an enormous amount of planets in Pisces right now as well which amplifies our sensitivity and emotional energy.
When the Sun is eclipsed, the ego is shadowed and this gives a moment of pause to look behind the curtain of the stories that we have been running, the patterns and the ego structures that we have been unconsciously programmed to live out.
For me it is a loop of first chakra anxiety, a hugely manic amount of grinding energy that is fixated on maintaining financial security and stability. At the seat of my soul is the freedom to release, to flow, to surrender and to trust and yet I cover over this soul freedom by repeating old patterns that I know don’t serve me.
Grace has always kept me in good standing, we are happy, healthy and prosperous as a family, and yet my underactive root chakra is constantly seeking more security and assurance. This is the pattern that came up for me to work towards regaining harmony and balance with. In the past when I have worked with this issue I worked with the effects, tonight, the cause became apparent, and the cause is so much simpler than the many effects. A weak root chakra is the cause.
Pisces is the final sign in the zodiac, the mystic, the sign about to ascend into the mystical realms, this revelation that came to me about my root chakra was directly linked to my spiritual growth. Too much focus on the material realm cuts me off from the spiritual truths and energy that abound around me.
Crone moons are about releasing and being filled with wisdom, what I was needing to release was wound up fears and anxieties.
As I was posting an invitation to this month’s Goddess Gathering I was longing for someone else to guide, I desperately longed to be able to receive. Shortly after that desire was born I began to write about my hopes of finding more community in this small town that we now live in. Within the month I have found two new women and one of those women was holding a crystal bowl meditation for the chakra’s, I jumped on board immediately. My desire for community and to be guided was answered and I couldn’t be happier.
Tonight, my husband and I attended the meditation together, a real treat as we haven’t had a lot of date nights in the past 2.5 years. We lied down side by side and held hands throughout the crystal bowl meditation. My body and energy system responds to sound very quickly. By the time the third bowl was being rung I was journeying though the ethers, surrounded by a white mist and enveloped with angelic energy. It was exactly what the both of us needed.
As we lie side by side, hand in hand, I envisioned the Goddess and God energy of this realm coming together and creating the One Creator, I remembered that he and I are together first and foremost to honour the Goddess and God in one another. I held my moonstone in the other hand, this month’s crystal focus and felt her getting charged with me. At the end of the night I purchased moonstone infused bath salts and walked out into the open air, rejuvenated and much lighter than when I had walked in.
During the meditation my focused intention was on my root chakra. As the root chakra bowl was being rung I received guidance to plant the energy that was being conjured within me into our land, into the earth of this town that we are living in. There is potential here, potential for higher vibrations, for new understanding and for healing with this earth to occur.
That is my focus for this upcoming month. To strengthen my root chakra and to nourish the earth with the spiritual energy that I conjure up. How beautifully paradoxic that when the moon and the sun are in the most spiritual of signs it is my connection to my body and my earth walk that are calling for the most attention. That is the true path of the Priestess, to honour her spirit and her body in equal measure.
As the influx of Pisces dreamy energy and the high vibration of the crystal bowls bathed me I felt my root chakra and the roots of the earth soak up the energy. Tonight I will continue to let go of my attachments and to open up to a new way, a higher way of being in my body and on this earth. As I fill with light and new energy I will pour into the earth all that I am blessed to receive from on high, energy pouring like watery Pisces wisdom from the Heavens above into the Mother below.
How will you allow this Pisces Crone Moon to move you?
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
This month’s Mother Moon (full moon) is an Aries Mother Moon and she is full of lunar magic and great, transformative waves of energy, to read about the details of her many aspects this month (full, eclipse, blood, final series in the tetrad) visit the post on my Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/PriestessofGrace/photos/a.165236053576018.25096.125352237564400/694340703998881/?type=3&theater
All of this energy comes bubbling up just days after the Autumn Equinox, the Equinox that came as a surprise for me in that the intensity and friction that I experienced was completely unexpected. I am receiving yet another surprise today, as I prepared for a greater influx of intensity, friction and heat with this moon and have found that I am more placid, serene and quiet than I generally ever am, and on a blood moon eclipse in Aries! I almost feel satiated, as if the energies of this month have amped me up, taken me to the brink and finally busted me open, and now I am just a bunch of floating atoms in the arms of Mama Luna.
The Aries Mother archetype is a fiercely devoted and strong mother energy, she is loyal to her children, she is boundless in her energy and initiates a myriad of activities, adventures and playtime with them. This Aries Mother Moon is cradling me today, she is chuckling softly as she strokes my weary head, allowing me to rest before life’s next adventure comes my way. Aries is confident and a trail blazer, when the Goddess expresses Herself as Aries to me I am reminded that there is a Presence that is bigger than my human conception that knows the ways of my heart and how to actualize them in a much more graceful and smooth manner than I can.
This eclipse is reminding me about my path, the shadow aspects that are being revealed are relieving to me, I am being shown area’s that I have veered out of grace and yet, there is something comforting about this revelation as I am also being shown how the path of grace that I float down keeps me close, and how she drew me in before I had even realized I had swam away.
I do not practice manifestation, I practice grace. Usually. This summer I became so wound up wondering where our family was going that I stopped awakening and allowing the Great Mother to unfold my day for me. I began to practice manifestation, it came easily to me, and while I knew that this is not my path it didn’t seem to be causing any harm. At first I just manifested a better feeling living environment. And then I manifested a new car (thankfully at the last minute I turned that manifestation over to grace and received a much smoother experience) and then I decided I was done waiting on Spirit (even though I hadn’t been waiting at all) and I began working on manifesting our new home. And lo, all that I put in came to be, minus the closets, somehow I ended up with very little closets again. I was elated and felt as though perhaps I had gotten it wrong, perhaps I was meant to manifest.
A week after manifesting our new home, on the lake, in the country with a huge backyard and tons of space inside, I began to get a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. It caught my attention at once, I am used to a head full of worry and doubt and can generally push that aside, but this feeling in my gut, I knew that was something else. After consulting with a few advisors I decided to wait and to see, the long story short is that this dream that I manifested is not what is serving me or my family best. When I admitted this, when I began to open up to the Goddess and ask for Her solution I received a phone call the very same day with an invitation to go and to view what is now going to be our new home in a month. It is a 10 minute walk from my parents in the one city I was adamant I never wanted to live in again. Yet the moment I walked into this home I was at peace, when I feel into where I was led and where we are being led, I am at peace, once again, as the Course in Miracles teaches “I do not know what anything is for,” and I do not know what will bring me the greatest joy and peace.
Grace is the power of the Divine showing up as exactly what I need and what will mot fulfill me and grace knows infinitely more than my imagination does. A few days before this surrender a friend of mine texted me out of the blue with a simple question “how do you define grace?” as I responded to her the first dawning of having wandered off of my path became apparent.
The details of the unfolding of the past few days of my life are in my Equinox post. Tonight, I feel a deep relief, this intense energy that is affecting so many people feels like a confirmation that I am not in control, something that, despite my often controlling behaviour, comes as a great comfort to me.
While the moon is eclipsed and the red of the moon shines bright in the sky, I draw my family close to me, my husband and my beloved, my extended family, my city family, my earth family and my family of ancestors that flow through my blood despite their having left their bodies. The blood symbolism of this moon reminds me that all of us under the moon are sisters and brothers, that the blood that flows through our veins connects us as the human race. I am reminded that the deeper I fall into grace and the deeper I surrender to that grace the higher I am able to rise up in vibrational frequency, this elevation means that I get to contribute to a fraction of the awakening of my earth family as my blood shifts in frequency the bloodline of the human race rises up a little higher.
The deeper we fall into grace, every meditation, every prayer, every action of love and devotion shapes the entire energetic blueprint of our human species. This great and larger than life moon is reminding me that I alone get to participate in shaping the future of the human race, even if the ripples I create are imperceptible to my human sense.
The Aries archetype is the great I AM energy of the Divine incarnated as a full and whole being, the Libra sun that is balancing this moon, carries with it actions of peace, harmony and love for all.
I feel an integration of my independent self that has her own desires and dreams with the part of me that is fully conscious of my affect on every living being on earth. Grace bridges the gap between independence and communal merging, grace brings my truest hearts desires to fruition and grace uses me as an instrument to be that fulfillment for others.
For tonight, I open up fully to the Aries Mother Moon, I receive her full supermoon energy and I allow her to shine her blood red light on the shadow aspects within. How will you open, receive and journey with this lunar wave of energy tonight, and how will all that you receive tonight be given back to the whole?
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: earth_goddess_by_coby01-d8xx7q7.jpg
Tonight I welcome the New Moon. The New Moon is the Crone Moon, the wise grandmother moon. This month the Crone Moon is in Pisces. Pisces is the final sign of the zodiac and when it is in it’s highest alignment it is the sign of enlightenment, Pisces is feminine and watery, a perfect companion to the watery feminine Moon. An added boost to tonights New Moon is that it is a supermoon which means that it is as close to Mother Earth as it can be, and finally we have a super Pisces Crone Moon eclipsing the Sun. The Sun is the active, fiery, masculine energy that is being shadowed by the great big, watery, wise, enlightened Crone Pisces Moon.
Whew! That’s some juice, ohhhhhh and let’s not forget that it also happens to be the Spring Equinox! This Equinox is a time for a balancing of the inner dark and light, and a rebirth into the Maiden aspect of ourselves. If you read my previous post : https://priestessofgrace.wordpress.com/2015/03/20/the-spring-equinox-resurrection/ you will find that this cycle of the wheel of the year has particular importance to me.
Many moons ago women bled with the cycles of the moon, all women bled together during the Crone Moon and were fertile during the Mother Moon (the full moon). The Crone Moon is a time of energetic release when women gathered in red tents and were taught by the Crones who had ceased their flow. The mooning women bled into the Earth and the Crones filled their emptying wombs with the wisdom that they had gathered throughout their lifetime, at night the women slept together in the red tent and received messages from the ancestors.
I am currently on the opposite cycle of the moon, during the fertile Mother phase of the moon I shed and during the releasing Crone phase of the moon I am ripe and fertile. This creates a grand balance for me as my microcosmic self flows on opposite my macrocosmic self. I have cycled this way on and off for years. Astrologically my sun sign and my moon sign oppose each other and so I like to think that this balancing act of complementing energies is just one of the lessons in life that I am called to master.
I didn’t know how my night would unfold. I wasn’t called to gather community around me to lead a ceremony this year. On this Spring Equinox I have an hour and a half to myself as my Beloved and my Maiden go out to play. I began my time with some yoga and then read one of the books I am currently studying, in the book it posed the question, “who would you like to be spiritually in one year? who would you like to be spiritually in 10 years?”
As I pondered the answer to these questions I sought out a journal, I was sure there must be one laying around somewhere, though in truth it has been ages since I journaled. I found a beautiful journal with the picture of a Maiden like female adorned in sparkling gold, I pulled the journal out and wondered if I would have any blank pages at all in this lovely journal. Flipping through I found an old inventory that I had taken of myself, my human self, my ego. Pages and pages of the tendencies and habits that I have turned to that have blocked me from the radiant presence of the Creator. I didn’t bother reading it, I just knew that I didn’t need to go down that road. Instead I pulled out the pages, happy to find many blank pages behind it, grabbed a metal bowl and a lighter. I lit those pages on fire and gave thanks to Grace for guiding me in an unplanned ritual. Fire is the element that guides the Spring season for the wheel of the year that I honour. Fire is the element that I have had the longest and most estranged relationship with. I watched as my pages slowly burnt beneath the awning of my doorway, I stood beside the burning pages and listened to the rain falling, the air light and grey. After the wafts of smoke had drifted and the final flame had dwindled I put the bowl under the drops of rain and allowed Mother Nature to finalize the end of my release. While I may not be shedding my eggs tonight, I am releasing with the Crone Moon.
I came inside, gave thanks and pulled out my journal. The wisdom of the Pisces Crone Moon spoke to my soul, the call for balance that the Equinox brings with her rose up within me. For a while I have been feeling spiritually dry, I have been deepening my reconnection with Source ever since becoming a mother 18 months ago and seeking to strengthen my relationship to Source. As I wrote out my goal, I realized, that beyond the adjustment of motherhood I have become so accustomed to my Priestessing, my writing, my sessions with others, that I had been neglecting to put just as much time into receiving from the Creator, I have been overextending, not with my time but with my role of offering spiritual tools and principles through my practice.
Tonight I call upon humility and a renewed sense of dependence upon the Creator. The necessity to give and to serve that the Pisces archetype carries with it pulls deeply on my heart. There are so many ‘spiritual’ teachings and teachers that teach about getting, manifesting, surrounding ourselves with love, creating the life we want and that just honestly has never been my path. The path of Grace that I walk is a path that cares for all of my needs and has blessed me with so much more than those alone, however it is a path of service, one of receiving love from my Creator that I may shine it on others. I don’t worry about creating a life that suits me it is not about creating the life that I desire so much as it is about allowing the life that the Creator intends for me to unfold and serving the whole of humanity in whatever way I am called to serve. I sit with the Creator, I open up space for Grace to provide my needs and my heart’s desires in whatever way is in highest alignment with the Creator and I go out into the world prepared to serve.
Tonight as I released, as I looked within to see what was out of balance I contemplated who I want to be in a year spiritually as a woman and then I envisioned who I hope to be ten years for now. I invite you to contemplate this as well when the Moon is wise and Piscean and the great balance is upon you. Who do you want to be as a spiritual woman or man in a year from now, in ten years from now? And how can we all best serve that One Divine Source of All?
Tonight I will end the evening curled up with my Beloved watching the powerful documentary The Burning Times, as we honour the wheel of the year we take a moment to acknowledge those who were persecuted for doing what we so freely practice tonight. If you would like to view this documentary you can watch here : https://youtu.be/YizdSL2_pMo
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: https://gypsymoonsblog.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/nmpc315_zpsdb9d6645.jpg