The Aries Crone Moon is a contradictory one, this moon phase is ruled by the Crone archetype, the wise old Grandmother archetype and is under the influence of the baby of the zodiac, Aries, the youngest Maiden sign we have.
Aries is the initiator and the Crone is the destroyer. Tonight’s Crone Moon promises to both destroy and initiate.
I think of this moon as the beginning of a new 13 cycle moon cycle.
The moon rules the emotions and I have been looking to see how this intense and fearless spring energy of Aries is affecting my emotional realm. The Crone is comfortable to me, as a Scorpio the energy of destruction is familiar and the introverted darkness of a Crone moon feels safe and cozy, whereas the blazing bright burst of Aries fire that calls in the Springtime and begins our new moon cycle of the year feels jarring and gets me antsy and my emotions have been reflecting this.
This year I am encountering the Aries Crone Moon right in the midst of an intense 40 day lie in post partum period. I have my newest little Maiden at home, not yet three weeks old and my older 3.5 year old powerful Maiden bouncing all over the house as I rest (thank Goddess the husband is home for the next month) and slowly heal not only my physical wounds from a second c-section, but also my emotional and psychological wounds after a traumatizing first week of my daughter’s life. (An hour after birthing her she was rushed to the NICU and it was a week of darkness and terror as I prayed and hoped for her to be released and to come home with us as I waited to see if her tiny little body would strengthen and thrive.)
My daughter’s challenge was foretold to me through a teacher of mine that offered a Spirit Reading before her birth, the spirits called it a ‘hiccup’ and assured me that it would clear up in a week’s time and sure enough everything that was channeled came true.
Now, it’s happily ever after…..except, this is life and when the intense relief and joy began to level out and life as I know it began to take on what is becoming a new rhythm in the house, the rest of the emotional gamete of life post partum has begun to unfold.
The intensity of the Aries Sun, the brightness of longer days and now the emotional influence of Aries in the Crone moon is making my ‘peaceful’ 40 day lie in quite a bit more difficult than it was the first time. I want to be up and about, yet I want my daughter having the time to adjust to the world and to receive the same long lengths of skin to skin and nursing and quiet that my first did. The wonderful spike of estrogen that I received as my milk came in, paired with the long stretches of gassy burping and soothing in the middle of the night that my newborn requires, has made for a much more emotionally quick responding and harsher toned Mama than I like to be with my 3.5 year old, who has been immensely patient throughout my difficult pregnancy and the intense week of her sister’s first week of life and all in all the 40 day lie in has been more of a challenge to sit and be with what is than it was with my first daughter who I just kinda sunk into baby bliss with.
I observe my reactions and from an observatory perspective marvel that my ideals are falling so short of what is being expressed through me.
I feel this contradictory wise Crone energy and young Aries energy in my intentions. I am working out a late night/early morning spiritual routine to see me through the long stretches of newborn gassiness, a way to tap into something internal and powerful as I loose the amount of sleep I have become accustomed to, (my first and I slept so much!). This is one intention I have, and yet the emotional velocity of intense feelings surrounding the impatience I experience with the long spells at night, the snappiness I have in response to the yelling of my 3.5 year old during the day and the intense fears that come up surrounding my healing and potentially being hospitalized again (a bit of ptsd from the birth and a long medical challenge as a child), has what and how I’m feeling at opposing ends of what and how I am intending spiritually.
As these energies come to a head tonight I am working to honour what I feel, while slowing down the expression and taking time to contain and digest my emotions as they rise to the surface. I am also intending to utilize the fearless and ambitious nature of the Aries archetype to take a great leap into deepening my spiritual practices to see me through this fourth trimester and to raise me to the top of this new challenge victorious and brighter than ever.
I release the charge that the emotional realm has held over me and I turn my attention towards strengthening my spirit. I release my attachment to the old way and embrace the newness that the reborn Aries archetype welcomes in, opening to a new experience as a family, a mother and a woman of the great Allness as I learn how to give the soul of my newborn exactly what she needs, how she needs it while still showing up for my family and myself in the process.
For tonight, I dance between the wisdom of the Crone and the innocence of the Maiden.
How are these energies affecting you? What are your intentions for this Aries Crone Moon?
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
Tonight’s Crone Moon is a rare one, it is the second time this month that the Crone Moon has visited us. This happens once every 32 months and this month is one of those moments in time when the Crone comes back to see us again before a whole new lunar cycle begins.
This Moon is being called the ‘Black Moon’ because it is the second Crone Moon, this struck me as odd as I always associated the Crone Moon with a black Moon, however, tonight’s Moon is hidden in shadow and makes it darker and more hidden than usual.
Black is a powerful colour in Feminine Mysticism, it is the colour of the feminine, the mystery and all that is hidden, our shadow and social taboo’s live within the dark mystery of the Goddess. All that the patriarchy attempted to assassinate went deep into the dark void of the wise Goddess.
Lilith is being associated with this Libra Black Moon, she is a perfect Goddess for this Moon as she has lived in the shadows of our memories for years now. The first wife of Adam, she was thrown out of the Garden of Eden when she refused to submit to him, the church vilified her as evil and she was forgotten as a powerful Goddess, until the Goddess began to rise in our consciousness once again. What makes Lilith such a wonderful archetype to connect to on this evening is not only her connection to the dark, the forbidden, the forgotten, but also to the strength of her Libra message, she would settle for nothing less than ‘conscious equal partnership’ the very medicine that Shamanic Astrologer Daniel Giamario teaches is the life path of the Libra Goddess Archetype.
Libra’s often get a bad rap of being so ethereal that they are perceived as weak or wishy washy, their desire for peace and harmony often overrides their call to speak up and to speak out. However, there are core issues that are embedded in the Libran soul that a Libra Goddess cannot ignore, injustice and inequality are two of those very issues. When Lilith was commanded to be a ‘helpmate’ of Adam’s and to submit herself to him, the injustice of this lack of equality was too much for her. Her Goddess energy rose as she refused to settle for anything less than the Libran ideal of conscious equal partnership, even if this meant being banished from paradise, for after all, as much as a Libra longs for the harmonious promised land, it must be an authentic paradise, one where all women and men are equal.
This leads me to my other focus for tonights’ Moon, the great Martin Luther King Jr once preached his dream that all ‘men’ would be equal. As a Priestess I truly endeavour to practice feminine mystic principles to my life, this includes feeling my feelings fully, allowing them to flow and then turning my attention upward in vibration, away from the illusion of discord and towards the One true Source energy. I feel called to do my most powerful work in mediation and prayer, I have not been called to be an activist in this lifetime, when I dig into the stories of injustice that occurs in this world I get lost in them and loose my vibrational footing. I know that if I can bring them within and raise them up in vibration I can be a contributor to the healing of our planet. That being said, there are issues that grab me harder than others, and as of late it has been the Black Lives Matter movement.
I feel simple in my complete lack of understanding when it comes to racism, it truly baffles me and seems so absurd that any person would be targeted because of the colour of their skin, it’s as absurd to me as hearing that green-eyed people were being targeted in our society, and yet here we are, with an entire race of people being brutally murdered and humiliated at every turn of the page. Each new story that pops up on my newsfeed leaves me more aghast than the last, I do not understand what is happening, nor how it is continuing to happen. The Libra energy of my rising sign boils at the injustice and the inhumanity and as I look at the term Black Moon and read so many powerful articles that take time to assure the reader that a black moon is a good thing, I am reminded about how the patriarchy has harmed not only the Goddess but all of us, and in particular the black community. The word black has been synonymous with evil, scary, cursed and ugly for years. We refer to turning towards the light to dissipate the dark, as if the dark, as if the black were something to be avoided or abandoned.
Those of us in Goddess spirituality know that the dark, the black is where the power lies, and somehow, in this crazy matrix of patriarchal domination that I don’t claim to fully comprehend, all things powerful, feminine, Goddess, black, other than the white male race that tried to overtake an entire world, was thrown into the fire to burn for all of eternity.
This ends now. The Black Crone is here, she is wise, she is knowing and she has been here forever. She will not stand for the inequality of women or people of any race and the calling that is coming through tonight is for the shedding of all of the wounds that has been inflicted on each one of us personally. Whether we have faced sexism, racism, profiling, agism, whatever category has left us out of the white boys club that has inflicted pain, suffering, shame and rage upon us we give back now. We give back our shame, we give back our doubt and we allow the Black Crone to strip us bare of all injustice that was conditioned upon us. We release it now.
After tonight we rise up in our power and in our Sovereignty and in doing so we DO NOT stay silent for one more second. Not one more black person murdered, not one more woman raped, not one more elder abandoned to the cold streets, not one more slight or round person sneered upon, not one more person from the LGBT community beaten. Not one more person that we ever witness being treated unjustly without us speaking up, this includes jokes, snide remarks, casual slander and any other minimizing behaviour that has been socially accepted up until now.
Lilith has returned and she is ready to create a new Eden, one where “all are welcomed to the table,” as Starhawk so eloquently dreamed up for us once upon a time. It will be our refusal to live within the unjust matrix that has hypnotized us that will usher in the dawn of a new Eden, “not by might nor by power but by My Spirit,” Zechariah 4:6. The presence of the Divine within each one of us, standing up in love, saying no in love and embracing each sister and brother in unity and peace as we walk arm in arm towards a new world is the Spirit that creates new worlds.
That is the vision that tonights’ Crone Moon is asking of me and it is the vision that I am asking of each one of you, please, let us walk towards the promised land of Sovereign peace together and let us ensure that not one of our sisters or brothers is left behind to burn in the ashes of an outdated, cruel system that is ready to fade away. We all are to walk the rainbow bridge back Home now, but we must do it in unity, harmony and peace.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7755/17390938522_8b0513d0d6_b.jpg
The moon is in her new phase tonight, she is under the astrological sign of Gemini, giving us a Gemini Crone Moon.
Gemini Crone’s are so much fun, they have the unbridled, spirit connection that is freed from a great majority of the earth-bound heaviness that mother aged women have and they have their perpetual maiden energy, their quick mind, hunt for fun and love of mischief all rolled up into one radical and zany package.
Gemini’s need to live in two worlds at once to truly feel calm, they are from the fairy realm and they move quicker than the speed of light.
Crone Moon’s are all about release, with the airy influence of fey Gemini here tonight, our release can be quick and encompass many different subjects.
For myself the idea of parallel realities is what is coming up to be investigated. For years now I have felt myself shift in and out of subtle reality shifts, similar to the movie Vanilla Sky, when Tom Cruise’s character begins to shout out “it’s a nightmare, I’m in a nightmare,” my tough days get shifted when I sense that I am in the wrong reality, the sensation is comparable to lucid dreaming. I then shift into the ‘good’ reality.
Since my move a year ago I have been integrating different energies. The place that I moved from was very light, airy, watery and full of ethereal beings. Where I now live is earthy, grounded and full of solid and practical folks. The spirit work that I do here feels as though it takes a longer to gain momentum, but it also creates lasting rivets in my reality. Shifting from the ‘bad’ reality takes more time for me here than it did there but it also creates strong and lasting change. I’m learning how to navigate more earthy energies and the stronger I get at it the freer I feel.
Last week I returned back West. It was a real moment of grace that resulted in a paid trip for my daughter and I, this trip occurred after walking through a miscarriage and the death of my father-in-law.
The first 48 hours that I walked along the lush streets that I called home for 10 years I felt completely ungrounded and lost in the ethers. As I prayed and did some root chakra kundalini yoga I began to land in my body and in the city.
As I walked I prayed, what did the strong emotions I was encountering mean?
What came to me was a visceral sense that the city had been the Mother Goddess to me, She had held me as I healed and that while I will continue to heal as new wounds are cut, my past is laid to rest, my trauma, my wounds have been healed. I am whole. As I contemplated the healing that the city had offered me I felt myself letting go of a year’s worth of stress since my move and I felt as though I was back to be rejuvenated, the following morning my friend texted me asking “how’s the healing going?” I hadn’t told anybody about my thoughts surrounding the city healing me, I stood frozen as I read the text, it took me a moment to realize he was asking about the miscarriage, I’m sure the universe was writing through him, because as I read the text it became apparent to me that I was also there to heal from my miscarriage.
That night the woman who had flown me announced that she would have to do this more often, suddenly, my decade long dream of being able to live in two worlds, west and east became a possibility and the thought of only having six days to spend in the city was alleviated, I would be back, I could just enjoy my time.
I spent the rest of my trip soaking up all of the energies that I missed, visiting the sacred book store, the crystal shops, the lush rainforest, drinking it all in. I felt a crystal calling to me and I was led to her, I began to fill her with the essence of the west coast to take home with me.
Before we decided to move I made a commitment to focus on what I loved about the west coast and about what I loved about moving away, I didn’t want to diminish the city by picking out its flaws in order to feel better about leaving. During this trip I focused on what I loved about the west, what I loved that I had left and what I loved that my family and the Creator have been creating in our new home.
Returning to the west I felt as though I had never left, it’s as if I am still living there, in another reality, while I’mm living here in this reality that I’m aware of. My crystal symbolizes a merging of both worlds, I have brought back the energies of the west that I love and I have that energy here with me in this energy. I have much work left to do here in our new home, learning how to dig into the earth energies and how to rise up as well.
As tonight’s Crone Gemini Moon looms high above and aids us all in shedding I am shedding the parts of me that aren’t truly me, the accumulated energies that I have allowed into my auric field, a preoccupation with finances, a tighter and more stern energy, these are energies that I have accumulated since my move. I am also releasing a sense of wandering and never truly settling down from my other reality, I am letting go of cool walls that keep other at a distance. I am shedding all that doesn’t serve me in both realities, I am calling on the Gemini Crone to work with the twin energies of contradiction within me and asking that she aid me in shedding both sides of the same coins that I am ready to let go of.
Too much focus on the material/denial of the material
Too much heaviness/ too much flightiness
Too much focus on the practical/ too much focus on the etheral
Too much dependance on others/ too much self-reliance
What a fantastic, quick moving and magical moon we have with us tonight. I invite all of you to work with the twin energies of Gemini tonight and the wisdom of the Crone moon, allowing her to cleanse you and to release you from both sides of the coin that seems to be hindering your walk at this time. As these coins are dropped and we are cleared of the energies that influence us but aren’t truly of us we open up room to plant seeds during the maiden moon, our next phase, seeds of intention to intend that nothing influence us besides the Divine within.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from : https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/58/07/b7/5807b7c6d41eb01239d16beb4775cee2.jpg
A Crone Moon, a Supermoon and a Solar Eclipse tonight, woah, big energies coming through.
I’ll start off by saying I am feeling much more like I do during Mother Moon’s, I feel loony, full, electric, wiry and my fuse is shorter than I would expect for a dreamy Pisces Crone Moon.
I’m attributing this energy to the eclipse and the Super aspect of the moon. We also have an enormous amount of planets in Pisces right now as well which amplifies our sensitivity and emotional energy.
When the Sun is eclipsed, the ego is shadowed and this gives a moment of pause to look behind the curtain of the stories that we have been running, the patterns and the ego structures that we have been unconsciously programmed to live out.
For me it is a loop of first chakra anxiety, a hugely manic amount of grinding energy that is fixated on maintaining financial security and stability. At the seat of my soul is the freedom to release, to flow, to surrender and to trust and yet I cover over this soul freedom by repeating old patterns that I know don’t serve me.
Grace has always kept me in good standing, we are happy, healthy and prosperous as a family, and yet my underactive root chakra is constantly seeking more security and assurance. This is the pattern that came up for me to work towards regaining harmony and balance with. In the past when I have worked with this issue I worked with the effects, tonight, the cause became apparent, and the cause is so much simpler than the many effects. A weak root chakra is the cause.
Pisces is the final sign in the zodiac, the mystic, the sign about to ascend into the mystical realms, this revelation that came to me about my root chakra was directly linked to my spiritual growth. Too much focus on the material realm cuts me off from the spiritual truths and energy that abound around me.
Crone moons are about releasing and being filled with wisdom, what I was needing to release was wound up fears and anxieties.
As I was posting an invitation to this month’s Goddess Gathering I was longing for someone else to guide, I desperately longed to be able to receive. Shortly after that desire was born I began to write about my hopes of finding more community in this small town that we now live in. Within the month I have found two new women and one of those women was holding a crystal bowl meditation for the chakra’s, I jumped on board immediately. My desire for community and to be guided was answered and I couldn’t be happier.
Tonight, my husband and I attended the meditation together, a real treat as we haven’t had a lot of date nights in the past 2.5 years. We lied down side by side and held hands throughout the crystal bowl meditation. My body and energy system responds to sound very quickly. By the time the third bowl was being rung I was journeying though the ethers, surrounded by a white mist and enveloped with angelic energy. It was exactly what the both of us needed.
As we lie side by side, hand in hand, I envisioned the Goddess and God energy of this realm coming together and creating the One Creator, I remembered that he and I are together first and foremost to honour the Goddess and God in one another. I held my moonstone in the other hand, this month’s crystal focus and felt her getting charged with me. At the end of the night I purchased moonstone infused bath salts and walked out into the open air, rejuvenated and much lighter than when I had walked in.
During the meditation my focused intention was on my root chakra. As the root chakra bowl was being rung I received guidance to plant the energy that was being conjured within me into our land, into the earth of this town that we are living in. There is potential here, potential for higher vibrations, for new understanding and for healing with this earth to occur.
That is my focus for this upcoming month. To strengthen my root chakra and to nourish the earth with the spiritual energy that I conjure up. How beautifully paradoxic that when the moon and the sun are in the most spiritual of signs it is my connection to my body and my earth walk that are calling for the most attention. That is the true path of the Priestess, to honour her spirit and her body in equal measure.
As the influx of Pisces dreamy energy and the high vibration of the crystal bowls bathed me I felt my root chakra and the roots of the earth soak up the energy. Tonight I will continue to let go of my attachments and to open up to a new way, a higher way of being in my body and on this earth. As I fill with light and new energy I will pour into the earth all that I am blessed to receive from on high, energy pouring like watery Pisces wisdom from the Heavens above into the Mother below.
How will you allow this Pisces Crone Moon to move you?
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
It is not lost on me that my spirits have lifted significantly in the past month.
The Capricorn Crone Moon was a rough time for me, depression was setting in and life felt heavy, full of unwanted and unintended situations, it was so intense that I almost couldn’t breathe. To compound this was the fact that I longed to control and shift my experience with the full understanding that the only way my reality shifts is to step out of it and back into the spirit realm. Yet all I wanted to do was to draw a map for the people and situations in my life that were unfolding opposed to my heart’s true desires and direct them, control the outside rather than align internally.
From last month until now a lightness has taken hold. I didn’t try to change or alleviate my depression, I have had years of treating my depression like a fault of mine and I do not do that anymore. I invite it into the house, I allow it space to be, to breathe, to sink in and to settle. I don’t wallow and I don’t push it away.
As the depression wrapped itself around me like a woollen cloak, the kind that feels warm and familiar but continues to itch me in subtle and unkind ways, I shared with a few people close to my heart about what I was walking through.
I had started a 30 day Abraham Hicks challenge with my friends, and I continued to listen to the daily talks and I took a step back to watch how the combination of allowing depression to be and feeding my spirit would play out.
Things began to shift upwards in a relatively short span of time, though the shift was subtle in the beginning. I let go of trying to control and decided to watch how things would unfold. As the depression lessened it’s grip on me, I began to enjoy parts of my day and then before I knew it, the depression was gone and I was enjoying all of my day, for the most part, again. From that point on, the month became more and more exciting as my husband and I prepared for opening night for the play we were both acting in.
As this Crone Moon has come upon me the two major themes that are inspiring, uplifting and keeping me in my vortex are 1) the Golden Key and 2) artists.
The Crone Moon this month is in Aquarius, emotions, feminine energy, intuition, creativity and flow are all being influenced by the eccentric, revolutionary Goddess of liberation and freedom.
This is not normally a comfortable moon for me, Aquarius is much too detached for my super intense self to relate to, however, this year I am finding that the detached quality of Aquarius in the Crone Moon, the phase of the destroyer, is actually helping to lighten me, to lighten my mood and matters of the heart. As I’ve shared before, my moon is ruled by Taurus, matters of security and safety nag at me constantly, Aquarius is concerned with the whole and does not live within the confines of society, my heart feels liberated letting go of personal worries and concerns and dreaming of a new world order for the whole.
Crone Moons are when we would all bleed together in red tents traditionally, the Crone Moon would release the blood flow and anything that we had been holding onto that we were willing and ready to release would die away as we shed our blood and returned it to the Earth to be recycled back into pure Divine essence. The Crones of the community would teach the women as they bled, filling their emptying vessels with ancient knowledge and wisdom.
Thus when the Crone Moon rises in the sky, we are emptied, sometimes we bleed with the moon, but sometimes it is an energetic release only. The wisdom that descends down upon us from the Crone Moon can be received through meditation and Crone Moon ritual or ceremony. This month’s Crone is teaching us about becoming unconditioned and envisioning a new world.
So, how do my two focuses come into play with the energies of this month’s moon?
Firstly, let me share about the Golden Key. 13 years ago when I turned my entire life over to Spirit I dedicated my life to walking the path of Grace. At first I had no idea what that meant, I just knew in my womb that that was exactly what my life purpose was, to follow Grace. I meditated and prayed on the subject of Grace for the entire first year of my Spirit walk, in this year I discovered the Golden Key, a very simple and profoundly effective essay written years ago by Emmet Fox, the writing is quite old fashioned, but the method has never failed me, you can read the essay here: http://2travel.org/Files/EmmetFox/GoldenKey.pdf
When I first read that essay, 13 years ago, I was so inspired and hopeful at the prospect of life being that magically simple that whenever an issue would I would implement the Golden Key. My go to truth 90% of the time was an old line from the Bible “God’s grace is my sufficiency,” I believe the actual line is “God’s grace is sufficient unto me,” but I used the former as my truth to cling to. Over the years that has changed to “Goddess’ grace is my sufficiency,” or whatever I am calling Source in the moment, regardless that was the truth that I would turn to. What I experienced in my days of practicing the Golden Key was no less than a miracle, everything, I mean everything would work out in ways that I could never have imagined and in time my anxiety and need to control lessened significantly. However, as the years progressed I forgot the essence of the Golden Key and the truth that Goddess’ grace was my sufficiency, became an old affirmation that I would mutter to myself while my stomach knotted and I got to work trying to manage my life again, the phrase seemed to have lost it’s power in my life.
I am not a big affirmation person, maybe it’s because my ‘issues’ run so deep that saying a few inspirational words barely even distract me from what is occurring, whatever the reason affirmations don’t do much to get me into alignment. Over the past month as our little group of sisters were texting about the daily Abe recording, I mentioned the Golden Key and passed on the essay, I re-read it for the first time in years and suddenly I was re-inspired to try it again. When I turned back to my original truth about Source’s grace being my sufficiency the magic was back! Now I am watching every day as my human self jumps in with panic and starts to plan, how interrupting the planning and practicing the Golden Key with the truth about Source completely revolutionizes my day and frees me from worry and extra work within the social construct that doesn’t inspire me.
Aquarians are star beings, they live by a different code than humans do, they follow spirit and life is worn like a loose garment. The Aquarian light of the sun that has been beaming down, matched with the wisdom and psychic energy of the moon that she is now influencing has taken this Golden Key formula and released me from the bondage of the conditioning of the human world, it has released me from focusing on self and freed me to be of better service to others. As I think less about my own life, not because I don’t matter but because there is Something better equipped than me caring for me, I am able to serve more and I also have more room to be my authentic self. Being free from obsessing about my personal problems and struggles leaves space for expression and in my case, that is artistic expression.
Which leads me to my second focus this month, artists! I have hidden within my writing for years, I have written stories and poems and essays from the moment I could print. Writing is a need of mine, it is freeing, it releases me from my mind and it is a part of my soul. It is also solitary work and I have been squelching the rest of my artistic side for years behind my writing, using the writing as a justification for the blockages in the other artistic areas of my life. I stopped painting and drawing because I wasn’t that great. I gave up acting because I couldn’t get into the industry in the big city I was living in. Then I stopped talking about art with other artists, because it hurt too much. I justified my suppression with all of the writing and ceremony that I would do and as I continued to justify I began to freeze those area’s up inside of me, my juice began to solidify and I forgot what it felt like to be a wild and free artist.
A few months ago I visited the local theatre and art gallery in our small town (which I now live in) with my 2 year old and mother-in-law, my mother works for this cultural centre and gave us a tour. As we visited the theatre, a theatre that I used to act in when I was a teen, and I watched my daughter and mother playing around on stage, I welled up with the pain of knowing that I may never be on stage acting ever again. Angrily I said to her “I thought you were going to tell me about local auditions!” Long story short, there was a final audition in two days time for the community’s February play that hadn’t been fully cast yet. I hadn’t expected that response! Full of fear and nerves I decided to follow through with the longing inside and the demand I had made upon my mother to tell me about auditions. I auditioned alongside my husband and was cast in the lead role!
The past two months have been full of rehearsals and car rides home with me choking back tears as I was convinced I was letting my director, cast mates and my maiden self down. I pushed through, it was not as flowy as it was when I was a child. I worked hard to push myself out of my adult, introverted, locked up protective shell and embody the free-spirited juicy character that I was called to portray.
I am happy to share that two nights ago was closing night of the show. The play went amazingly well and I experienced everything that I love about theatre. The creativity, the fun, the freedom of escaping into a story and a character, the bondedness of a cast and the satisfaction of creating something new with life in it with a group of others, co-creating life with a group of artists.
I have met a community of artists now, they visit local plays and talk about art and artists and I see the merit and the spice that art and artists bring to the world.
I told myself for a long time that acting was something that was meant to bring me to my spiritual path, but that there was no deep merit to acting for my personal spiritual evolution or as a means to be of service to others.
It has become apparent to me, that anything that brings me into the vortex of joy, freedom and light connects me to my spirit and has merit in my deep life. The amount of energy that I had to conjure to portray my character for the entirety of the show created charisma, a youthful, juicy essence that burst through me, I am more like my Goddess self when I embody charisma and that is an essence that acting opens me up to. And, as for the world and my spiritual service to it, well it is stories, plays, novels and movies that have shaped our world in the direction of beauty, opened us up to empathize, to process our own wounds and stories, being a part of creating a picture that moves somebody, that inspires them, that brings them closer to their own authentic self is a great service to the world. Art, artists, theatre, writers, painters, and all manner of artists and works of art bring the spark of the Creator into reality in this third dimensional realm, what better gift than to have a piece of Source to touch, to witness, to experience while here on Earth to remind us that Source can be experienced while we are embodied.
It was a story that brought me to seek out the Goddess in the first place and that seeking has changed the entire course of my life. It was my imagination and my need to create other worlds that saved me in my darkest days and it is the stories that we tell in all manners that distract me from my busy head on days when I just can’t slow down long enough to meditate and get clear.
Tonight, as the Aquarius Crone Moon pulls at me I am giving her all of my walls to destroy, all of the egoic protective barriers that were erected between maidenhood and motherhood.
In order to get into character for the play, I had to let go of my frozen places, I had to become vulnerable, I had to be a raw open mould to be filled, I continue to give the walls that are still standing to the destroyer moon tonight, that I may be even more free to create, even cleaner, clearer and rawer than before.
When I looked out from the stage during warm ups on our closing night and saw my daughter watching as my cast mates and I walked around the stage humming and singing to warm up our throats I was just as full as I am when my daughter joins me for a spiritual ceremony, there is no difference to me between my art and my Priestessing, “this is the life I want us to be living,” I thought as I looked out at her, “this is the life we are going to live, this is the life we are living”.
I intend that I am living my life as a free and clear artist and Priestess. I intend that I am an open, vulnerable artist, here to be a conduit for Spirit to create through. I intend that I am living as a thriving artist, unconfined free from the box of the patriarchy, free to express myself in any and every way that I am moved to create.
Tonight I welcome the Aquarius Crone in and thank her for breaking me out of the shackles I swore to never let life bind me with, tonight I intend that we all break free of at least one area of constraint and bondage and create a world of magic, beauty, rawness and colour.
Be Free, Be True and Shine!
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly