As I sit here surrounded by my Cancer dreams come true I open my heart and allow the floods of sadness to wash over me. This is not a sadness caused by depression, an insidious illness that does rob one of their ability to enjoy the outer trappings of their life, nor is this sadness due to any conflict or struggle, no this sadness is a wave of Cancer energy carrying me away on the tides of nostalgia.
The moon is new, a Crone Moon as I have been taught to work with her and is in Cancer, the sign of the Divine Mother and all things maternal, nurturing and psychic. Today’s Crone Moon is met by a partial solar eclipse in Cancer, and this Crone moon is a super moon. The super moon amplifies the Cancer energy and the solar eclipse calls for us to pause and to go back in reflection upon our personal life experience and examine the shadows that exist within us in the area’s ruled by the astrological sign guiding the eclipse, in this instance, Cancer.
Astrologer Coach Sonja Francis teaches in this month’s new moon/solar eclipse video about the origin of this eclipse beginning 18 years ago in July, she encourages us to look at what it was that we were learning or processing in July of 2000 and as I allow the shadow over the sun to guide me into the shadow of my human and the psychic ability of the Cancer super moon to open my inner awareness to a much wider degree than normal much is coming to silvery lunar light for me today.
The themes of this energy for me is separation from mother and separation from family and soul tribes, I suspect the lesson on the other side of this shadow is that we are all connected eternally and ultimately that we are all one, what that truth will mean for me in my human life as I digest it deeper is yet to be seen, that will come when the new seed is planted in 48 hours and in the days to come as it grows through 2019 into fruition, for this energy is but a preview of what we will be working with in the upcoming eclipse year.
Cancer rules the ocean, the womb, the dreamland, today I am reflecting upon my dreams in relation to the Cancer themes that abound at this time. So many of my dreams from 18 years ago have been realized and come to fruition. The ones that I see in full bloom were my dreams to fall in love, to be and receive love from that Beloved, to get married, to have children, to be a mother, to be a writer, to be a spiritual speaker and to have my four soul sisters in my life at the depth that they were 18 years ago. My home is a sanctuary, my daughters are beautiful with magical names, my friends and community reflect my consciousness, my husband is a babe and I am more in love with him than ever. I have a deep unfolding spiritual life and I have spiritual quests and pursuits that I walk on a daily basis. I know God and She fulfills me. The garden of my life is fragrant and lovely and blessed.
I also am looking at area’s where those dreams didn’t come through in the sweetest way that I imagined, I wanted all four of us to live together, houses beside each other, all of us in love and married with homes full of bouncing children. I wanted us all to be lucratively rich and to live in exotic places, to be a foursome with our own families as the gift that we lived in, always returning to each other. Those dreams have showed up in ways unexpected, some of us are mothers, some happily so and some of us struggling, some of us are in love, some are not, some have been through divorce, some of us have had children in hospitals, the exotic lands visited have been visited separately and where each one of us will root down and create our forever home has been one of the most challenging choices to make individually let alone together. So there are still dreams around my family, tribe and home left to be dreamt as I walk through this eclipse.
To get specific I am journeying back to 2000 and finding the lessons that I am still working through 18 years later.
In July of 2000 I was enjoying my final summer at home, I was 1.5 months away from going away to college, leaving my mother who was unwell at the time, leaving my little brother whom I had taken a protective and mothering role over and leaving my four soul sisters, the girls in my life that made me feel home and that would forever be at the centre of my heart. I knew that the move and the separation was coming and I had no way to ground the feelings of the looming transition down. I would imagine what it would be like to go to bed in a house that didn’t contain my parents, what it would be like to spend mornings alone, what it would be like to not be there for my little brother and of deep concern how I was going to ensure that the four of us, my soul sisters and I, stayed together. For some odd reason adults seemed to love to tell us that while we imagined we would be best friends forever that after high school everything would change and we would grow apart. I was determined to not let that happen, at all costs I was going to keep us together, even though we were all about to move away to separate parts of the province I would be our connective link.
Fast forward 18 years later and in this July of 2018 I am enjoying the potentially last summer of having two girls at home full time, my intended-to-be-homeschooled almost 5 year old has decided that she wants to join the school system and we have agreed to support her in that heroine’s journey of her own. I again flounder for ways to ground the energy of this transition down as we go through busy days with her and I and a toddler and fall into exhausted sleeps only to find me awake in the middle of the night holding her big body, or snuggling her little sister and wondering where the time has gone, how is she not the size of her little sister? I know that very soon she will be closer to child than toddler and they way that I have known her will transform forever, each day she individuates from me a little bit more. This is a transition of her stepping away from me as mother in July of 2018 and in July of 2000 I was stepping away from my mother.
As the three of us took our morning walk today, I reflected on where I was 18 summers ago and I grew so homesick for my soul sisters. One of us lives in the same town as me now, the other two of us used to live in the same city together in our 20’s, now we are spread out. We are still all soul sister friends, at least I am their soul sister friend and they are mine, though the dynamics of the foursome has changed over the years, a change that I resisted greatly and attempted to control and manage, I still have my sisters in my life and hopes that we will once again be in close proximity physically and emotionally as a foursome. Memories of us partying and playing in that last summer together before college break my heart and I remember the sadness too that each one of us held at that time in our life, each one of us with our own childhood trauma had found one another and formed a bond of care taking for one another that we would remain etched on each other’s souls forever. I longed to have my sisters back with me in the flesh this morning, I longed for my daughters to be with me forever and in the longing I began to have flashes of the horrific stories that I have heard from mother’s at the border torn away from their children and suddenly it all comes together for me.
There is a belief within me and a belief intertwined in our society that we can be separated, that we can be separated from each other, from our good, from our health, from our life, from Heaven and ultimately from the presence and love of God Herself. Even those of us who consider themselves to be spiritual intellectuals who know that the ultimate truth is otherwise still live our lives in two worlds, the one where our Highest Selves hold truth and the one where our human selves reach up to pull those truths down into actualization.
That is the opportunity coming up for me today, I will wait the 48 hours suggested by Sonja Francis before setting any intentions, but for today I will begin to allow awareness to dawn on me. Astrology in itself is not a power, there is One Power, astrology is an energetic map pointing us Home, directing us inwards, back into whole-ness and back into awareness of that One Power. Today I will embrace the pain that I felt when I was separated from my mother at birth, by her illness, by going away to college, by moving across the country, by getting married, by becoming a mother. I will embrace the pain that I felt when I felt separated from my daughters after both births, one when I was wheeled away to recover, the other in a traumatic NICU stay when we were transported to separate rooms, when they were watched by someone other than me for the first time and when one of them prepared to leave to go to school. I will embrace the pain of my sisters moving away and growing into lives that aren’t intrinsically connected with mine on a day to day basis. I will embrace the pain that two of my great grandmothers never healed from when they were separated from their children (unto the seven generations) and I will embrace the pain of all of the mothers being ripped away from their offspring right now. I will embrace those feelings right now because they still exist in my shadowy regions and the Cancer solar eclipse which deals with matters involving mothers, family, offspring and Home is highlighting my shadows in this area. I will embrace them and I will allow them to flow from me, offering them to the Great Mother to be returned into love as the Crone Moon does her job of aiding me in releasing what is no longer serving me energetically. I will release and I will return my blood to the earth and then I will sit in meditation, awaiting the message of the Mother Goddess in her Cancer archetype, awaiting instruction about how and what seed to intend to fill the space that once held my fears of being separated.
Tonight I fall into the lap of the Mother and await Her wisdom as she strokes my hair and reminds me that She has always been with me, has always been me and IS everything, everyone and everywhere.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
The image is from a book with illustrations by Frédérique Bertin.
The book is titled L’amante de Shambu et le Fou de Shakti by Remi Boyer.
What a beginning to a ‘New Year’, wow oh wow, a Mother super moon on the very first day of the year and an ’11’ year in terms of numerology.
New Year’s is not the same for me as it is for a lot of other people, being a Priestess that honours the Wheel of the Year, Samhain is my ‘New Year’ of letting go of the dead and old and making space for the barren openness of Winter’s hibernation to regenerate new life in the inner realms of my soul’s darkened cave.
However, I love any holiday that is celebrated by the masses, (even the ones bemoaned as being fuelled by a consumerist agenda), as there is a collective energy that ensues. Any time that we take our one consciousness and focus it on a common energy of celebration, love, warmth and togetherness I feel as though we are finally pointing in the right direction energetically.
The interesting thing about the New Year of the Gregorian calendar year, is that it does resonate to a new set of numbers. Now, of all of the witchy things that I have a proclivity towards, practicing numerology is not one of them, I feel the power that lies within the art of numerology, it’s just not the practice that I’m called to serve in, in this lifetime. Thankfully there are powerful numerologists that exist and when the realm of numbers calls to me I find some juicy info to quench my desire.
I was pleasantly surprised at how energized, enlivened, peaceful and vibrant I felt today, it did not surprise me one bit to learn about the super moon in the beautiful, watery Cancer sign aligning with our 11 year.
I adore Cancer women and seem drawn to a lot of Cancer rising women, theres’s something about their womanly, nurturing, psychic dreamy presence that makes me feel at ease and loved. When the moon beams lunar rays of Cancer Mother energy down to me I know that all is well in the world. A super moon of course means that this energy is amplified. The first day of the 11 year is guided by amplified Motherly Psychic energy, yes please!
11 is a master number, one of spiritual enlightenment and love, this year is all about gaining deeper enlightenment in the realm of spiritual truth and focusing on the power of love, exactly what came to me in my psychic card reading (posted on my Instagram page, priestess_of_grace) this morning.
This moon is also named the ‘Wolf Moon’ and has been called the howling moon, this is reflected for me today in the constant howls of my 4 year old and 9 month old maidens that are non-stop, they are wired with this moon’s energy and their howls remind me of the pure, unadulterated strength of sound that we carry within us. Before the world silences and shames us we come here loud, proud and ready to howl, in fact it was just the other day that my 4 year old maiden howled at me these words: “I’m allowed to feel my feelings!” yes you are dear one, yes you are.
I feel the culmination of all of these energies, the Mother, water, psychic ability, spiritual mastery, love, howling, coming together to illuminate the seeds that I am called to focus on in this upcoming calendar year. I have been feeling the pull to revisit the original, foundational roots of my spiritual path. These roots were weakened after I became a mother and jumped into primal security and survival for my tribe mode. I feel as though I am finally ready to take these truths that I could flow with and live in faith with in my single years and carry my family on them as well.
I feel the Mother calling me close to Her, reminding me that She is my caretaker and that I am here only to receive Her love and to extend it, all else She will take care of. I am to howl the truth when fear rears it’s ugly head, to look up to the silvery beams of the moon and howl loudly to Mother of Us All. She hears my cries and responds to my needs as any loving Mother would. I am only to focus on Love and on Her presence, ever with me.
This year my focus is a closer awareness of Mother, an unwavering commitment to love and surrender to the flow of service that my Mother calls me too. I will soak the beams of tonight’s moon up and go deep into meditation, igniting the super moon, Cancer and 11 energies that are here to begin my new year with, won’t you all join me in looking up into the face of the silvery Mother Moon and howling our commitment to love and to Her for this new year.
Grace Be With You and Happy New Year,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
image taken from: https://shop.r10s.jp/hobbyzone/cabinet/02/001/4979817331019_j00.jp