Goddess of the Week: Medusa

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Taurus Mother Moon, Gaia meets Kali

Something lovely is taking place inside of me, there is a warmth, a steadiness, a sense of returning Home after a long, long journey through the desert.

‘Desert periods’ are the descriptive word that metaphysics use to describe periods of time during one’s spiritual walk, sometimes long, sometimes short, where despite continued practice, devotion and attendance to the principles one work’s with, there is just a sense of barrenness, a lack of felt presence of the One, wavered faith, signs not seeming to appear. It is promised, that if the walker will continue their walk, continue their prayers, meditations, devotions, that this period will end, and with the end of the desert period a renewed, strengthened experience of Source will descend upon them.

I have had more dramatic desert periods than this one that is coming to an end, ones that felt torturous and scary, had I lost my connection forever I would cry out. To be honest, I don’t know if the desert periods were dramatic or if it was just my younger, dramatic Scorpio self, I suspect it was the later. I can’t imagine what going through a desert period like this one would have been like for me if it had happened 13 years ago, I’m going to credit linear earth-bound time put into the path in this lifetime for the acceptance I’ve found during this desert walk, though I didn’t know if this one was going to end and I feared that I had cut myself off, that the level of groundedness motherhood required had cut me off permanently, or at least until my crone years.

It seems so magically fitting that during the dawn of a Mother Moon, my birthday moon to be exact this desert period finally comes to an end.

I was born at the tail end of a Taurus Mother Moon, my astrological make up is full of contradictions, my sun sign and moon sign oppose each other, my rising sign is in Libra, so each of my houses are in the opposite sign of their house.

I imagine that I am meant to be the centre piece, the middle meeting ground of all opposing energies. As a Priestess I merge the opposing energies of the heavenly realms and the earthly ones, as a student of mysticism I honour the One presence in all things, as a Resonant Skywalker I jump dimensions, I have only one physical eye which points me in the direction of single sightedness, all of these bits and pieces add up to a life served finding and connecting to the One Source, so when a desert period hits and I am pulled in two, threes, fours and full of 3rd dimensional polarities I just don’t feel myself, to say the least. So to come back together into Oneness feels divine right now.

Now, here we are at the beginning of the Mother Moon which opposes the Sun in Scorpio, this is a balancing of what is dead and what is alive, like all Mother’s the Mother Moon is full of energy, emotion and needs to balance her external and internal energies. Tonight (early morning) as the moon looms full we are all called upon to balance the parts within ourselves that are full of life, sweetness, abundance, with what is coming forth externally as decayed and ready to die away to be released. We are in the season of death, everything around us is dying away and rotting, Scorpio intensely calls on all of us to own up to what is rotten in our lives, while we do this deep shamanic grave digging through the dark recesses of our lives, the opposing, completing energy of the Taurus archetype shines a warm light on all of the reasons that we are going digging in the shit right now, the more we clear away, kill off, acknowledge and release the more room we have for the comfort, ease and lushness of our true soul’s essence.

Kali is here to make way for Gaia to flourish and blossom, we are both Kali and Gaia during this time of year. Because I live such an astrologically contradictory existence, this time of year which is tough for most is when I am most at ease. I have no problem digging through the shit, in fact I like having something to dig up, expose and release. I love finding what’s rotting and discarding it, and this Taurus Mother Moon is such a welcome visitor, because she’s alighting my inner world and showing me just how lovely all of the time and energy put into conscious alignment has been for my soul, it’s as if a warm oil lamp infused with musky patchouli has been lit and I can see soft plush orange couches and coral painted walls, I hear harp music playing while veils of silk hang down invitingly over a feathered bed, this is the room of my wombspace, the area where I receive into me all of the energy that I take in. The palace in my pineal gland, my third eye home is crystalline, lit up with starlight and midnight skies sparkle with the luminosity of the stars, each one a truth that I have applied in my life, my inner rooms are clean! And now they are being filled with the abundance of Gaia, Kali is swirling through the rooms of my chakras ensuring that nothing sticks around to rot, she is a whirling dervish of ferocity, refusing to allow me to hang onto anything that doesn’t serve me, and she is so precise and present with me because I have allowed her to reign supreme in my life, as she blows through with her quick sword to cut away all of the rubbish, Gaia blooms within my heart, my womb, my third eye, Gaia and Kali, what a delicate and delicious balance these two expressions of the One Source are.

And that’s where I find myself on tonight’s moon, surrendered and blooming, dying and birthing, releasing and receiving, acting and resting, it is a divine dance and it is truly an intoxicating moon for me.

Can you feel Kali blowing into your life tonight? Do you feel Gaia blessing you with her abundant lushness? Kali and Gaia are two archetypal expressions of the Divine One, they are hear with us in intense expression for a brief moment as the moon rises, the more we allow these Goddess expressions into our world, the cleaner and safer the matrix becomes for all who reside within it for now as we collectively rise up in consciousness towards a new world order.

Until our next Mother Moon,

Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly

 

image taken from: http://www.funiacs.com/poze/mare/8f06c42c9b373675a5451b301fc63367_1248775653.jp

This Week on Priestess of Grace’s Facebook Page: Samhain Totems

Grace, Air and the Autumn Season, via Sage Woman Blogs

http://witchesandpagans.com/sagewoman-blogs/priestess-grove/grace-air-and-the-autumn-season.html

Today on Priestess of Grace’s Facebook Page: Friday the 13th

This Week on Priestess of Grace’s Facebook Page, Astrological Goddesses: Libra Goddess Archetype

Tonight on Priestess of Grace’s Facebook Page: Moon Mysteries, Aries Mother Moon

Today on Priestess of Grace’s Facebook Page: Goddess of the Week, Maat

Mabon Bliss, harvesting joy and light to warm the season of mystery.

Thank Goddess Mabon is here and the space to pause, evaluate and begin to harvest is upon me.

This Mabon the theme of work is calling to me and while I feel work’s call I am taking the time to reflect upon all that I want to harvest as the wheel of the year turns.

The summer was so much more of a blessing and joy than I had ever imagined it could be. In fact, as the spring drew to a close I was panicked about the impending summer. One hormone addled night I begged my husband not to go back to work,

“I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I’ll go to work, you stay home!” I pleaded. I knew that I wouldn’t actually go back to work, because I had a then two month old and three year old at home, however I was in the midst of a three week intense postpartum depression/anxiety that I had no way of knowing would be lifted as quickly as it was. I had just walked through a traumatic birth and NICU stay and it looked as though this new baby that I had had a terribly rough and complicated pregnancy and traumatic birth with was becoming colicky. Of course it made sense that she would have colic, there so much stress surrounding her coming into the world, and while it made sense it didn’t make trying to cope with her intense unhappiness while I was in the pit of depression any easier . There was no way that I could conceive of getting up each day, not knowing when my husband would return (his hours are sporadic and long in the summer months) with a potentially sleepless night behind me to try to keep my poor three year old who had once been the centre of my world, happy, while I tended a miserable baby and coped with a soul crushing sense of dread and panic on the daily. When I would awaken with a panic at the prospect of the summer months ahead of me, the words “I just have to make it to September,” would go through my head, September marked Estrella’s six month birthday and I knew that from six months onwards babies became more and more fun, and September was the month of my beloved autumn season.

As I prepared the best I could for the inevitability of the months ahead I did what I do, I dove in to find support for my soul and my spirit while simultaneously making sure I wasn’t trying to force a change, years ago when I entered trauma healing therapy I found that surrendering to what is while walking towards truth and love worked much better than my iron hard will trying to force my inner state to shift.

I talked with my mentor and she prepared me Liam Neeson ‘Taken’ style, “Candise, this is not going to be fun, this will not be easy.” Okay, I breathed in and tried to suck it up. I remember calling people crying and saying “I just don’t have anything to look forward to.” I went to a homeopath and I made sure that I let my doctor know that I was pretty sure I had developed postpartum depression/anxiety. I am someone that works with both western and alternative medicine and I was not going to let something potentially dangerous go unwatched. Finally there were three things that I felt really shifted for me, they sound way too simple and I don’t think they are a recipe for change really, I believe it was just how Source was able to guide me where I needed to go. The first was an exercise that I did from the book Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender, David Hawkins exercise was to help me get clear about what I wanted to intend and then I was to surrender it fully. He says to write it down and then let it go completely, to let go of even wanting it to happen, it reminded me of when I used to use a God Box. Here is what I intended and then let go of, letting go was very easy as my list seemed an impossible dream when I wrote it:

Estrella, Gracious and I sleep deep and peaceful and long.
Estrella gas is cleared (it lasted a year for Gracious so I felt doomed it would for Estrella too).
Estrella is calm, happy and easy.
I am full of energy and joy.

I can’t stress enough how impossible that list seemed, Estrella was never, ever happy, and I was drained, depressed and felt lower than I ever had. It was what I most wanted for the summer but I was sure it would never be. The second occurrence that sticks out to me, happened one day when I was in my prayer room, I gave my postpartum depression to the Holy Spirit, ****** I am going to qualify this before continuing on, reminding anyone who might read this that I had talked to my doctor at this point, I had a follow-up appointment made and I was willingly going to be monitored in the entirety of my postpartum, I in no way for myself or for anyone else advocate trying to take on something as serious as postpartum depression/anxiety with spiritual tools alone, there are many support areas, this is just what happened for me while I was already being supported.***** I didn’t feel happy or lighter after that meditation, but it has always stuck with me, I did feel something and I believe that the Holy Spirit entered as soon as I invited Her, the third occurrence, as cliched as it may sound is that I took a rock when I was on the shore of the Great Lakes, gave my postpartum depression to it, remembering what Carl Jung had said about the Ocean being deep enough to receive all our deepest wounds and unconscious and threw that rock into the Great Lake. Soon after we saw the homeopath again, I had the address to a postpartum support group ready to go, and then you wouldn’t believe what happened, Estrella went through a two week growth spurt where she did nothing but sleep all day and night. Alejandro had a lot of rain days and was called off of work so I caught up on my sleep and by the time the summer rolled around my colicky baby was the happiest baby I have ever seen and easy doesn’t come close to describing how peaceful caring for her is. We now refer to her as our little puppy dog, she is like a completely different baby as far as temperament is concerned.

Her gas cleared up and her and I started sleeping until 8 or 9 every morning, Gracious would come and join us in bed around our wake up time and we all had long, restful nights. As I began to get sleep and my baby became happy my postpartum lifted, I began to feel tapped in again and when my gut (no pun intended) began to nudge me in the direction of probiotics I contacted a friend and got into a gut healing regime that literally catapulted my energy and my happiness. By the end of June, the entire list of what I had hoped for had come to fruition.

The summer, the season that I like the least, was like a dream. The girls and I fell into this sweet rhythm, nature walk in the morning while the baby napped in the stroller and Gracious got exercise, long, long afternoon nap in the afternoon for Estrella while Gracious and I rested, tidied and played, followed by an evening nap that Alejandro often took the girls out for while I had some downtime, Women started asking me to do the Goddess Gatherings again, my writing abilities increased and more than anything, my spiritual life deepened and my joy quotient expanded further than it’s ever been.

I have always identified with the dark, the mystery, quiet, reflection, being able to integrate joy, peace and energy into the dark, quiet mystery that is my home has been such an amazingly surprising experience. What I am harvesting this Mabon is an awareness that the other half of me, the light, energized, active part of me feels good! I have avoided this side of myself for years because I had a proclivity for burn out, anxiety, over doing it and any extra light or energy easily tipped me over into a field of mania. I didn’t know how to channel the energy of being energized and I couldn’t reach joy because I buzzed past it into anxiety.

This past season though, I touched the peace in joy, the bliss in being energized and I was able to enter a new phase of life. That is what I am taking with me into the dark cycle of the year, peaceful joy, happy energy, and a playful zest for life that will support me as I willingly step into the mystery, into the quiet and stillness. Work is abounding for my husband right now, which is great for our pocket books as winter’s have been slow here the past few years, but tough on my Priestessing time, tonight is the first night in a week that I’ve had any continuous time to myself. I’m looking forward to more space to write, time to get out into our small community to attend singing bowls and yoga classes. There is a health show I will be entering to showcase my energy healing, there are Priestessy things on the horizon and I am happily awaiting them, until the time comes, when work is busy and I am at home for extra long hours with the girls, trying to decide on whether a shower or changing the sheets is of more importance because the hours of the day are almost done, I will continue to give thanks for the fact that I am in joy even during these long, domestic days.

At the centre, the balancing point of myself, that is where grace, love, joy and peace reside. When I am busy and life is frantic and when there is space and time, still in the middle lives my core essence, and the more I feed that essence, the more joy I can sustain throughout both the light and the dark phases of the wheel and of light the freer I am, because it is only when I am living from my core that I am living from the inside out, governed by Source rather than circumstance.

Mabon is an outer expression of this inner balancing point within each of us, what is Mabon holding steady at the core of your year for you? How were your summer months? What is on the autumnal horizon for you? How is your Mabon harvest going thus far? I’d love to hear from yo and until then, intend, surrender and allow and let’s watch together and see just how magical this Earth-walk can get.

Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly

 

 

image taken from: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/6f/0e/12/6f0e1278d38a3c77e9599c7192087d0c–sacred-feminine-divine-feminine. jpeg

Today on Priestess of Grace’s Facebook Page: The Wheel of the Year, Autumn Equinox